i found in my pursuit of God that He was much more hotly in pursuit of me.

Friday, April 29, 2005

daily trivia by rebecca marie - volume III

Who ate toooooo much mexican food at lunch today, has orthodontia at age thirty-one and is getting a visit from the best nephew of ever?

the answer is me.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

the rules

Soooo, recently I was called the "mayor of bloggville." I'm not kidding, twice actually. I never ran for mayor, at least, I don't think I ran for mayor. I'm pretty sure I'd remember. I did, however, have four write in votes for Clackamas County Sheriff last November, not enough to receive funding for a campaign in the next election, but not too shabby, either. The title that I do proudly possess is "Ruler of the School."

I know that this does not come as news to any of you. I have told you plenty of times that I rule the school. I've also been humble enough to give up the title on several occasions. What I have never done, is publish any rules regarding the "ruling of the school." I think it's high time, don't you?

1) Rebecca Marie decides who rules the school period

2) Rebecca Marie decides why anyone other than herself should receive the honour period

3) Rebecca Marie decides the duration of school ruling period

4) Anyone may request the honour of the title, for their very own self or for someone else, by sending and email to rebecca-marie@hotmail.com. Rebecca Marie has granted this request in the past, and will be happy to do so in the future, soley at her whim period

and finally

5) There is, in fact, no school. I realize this, I'm not a complete wackadoo (only a partial wackadoo). It's just something I do for fun period

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

visual bedazzlement

aaaahhh the power of unnecessary prefixes and suffixes....

anyway.... if you would like to see more photographs as magnificent as this

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you can do so by clicking here. now aren't you just in for a treat.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

Sunday, April 24, 2005

for your viewing pleasure

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Friday, April 22, 2005

the saddest story of ever

Janni Laine has a very unfortunate birth defect. Perhaps even more unfortunate than the defect itself, is that she resided on the planet for an entire decade before she became aware of it. The people around her knew she’d find out soon enough on her own, so no need to spoil the surprise.

But this particular story starts long after she was born. At age ten, Janni Laine set her sights on her dream career. Hand modeling. In her estimation, there was nothing to compare to the loveliness of her very own hands. She took her training seriously. She let her nails grow to an astounding one sixteenth of an inch, quite a feat for a nail biter, and the training began. She posed (keeping all but her hands out of her view in the mirror) with her mother’s rings, she posed with her mother’s oil of Olay, she posed with bracelets. If she could get her hand on it, or it on her hand, she modeled it. Success was imminent.

So, it was only fitting that when Stephanie Gowen decided to write, produce and film her very own murder mystery movie, it should be starring "Janni Laine’s hand" as "the bad guy’s hand." Now, Mark Curtis thought the role should be for his hand, as his was the voice talent that was lent to "the bad guy’s voice," but Janni Laine’s passion was very convincing, and frankly, Mark's fingers were freckly.

Janni Laine took the role very seriously. She wore a giant man ring that fairly reeked of "bad guy" jewelry. She drummed her fingernails on the table menacingly. She used her hand to "point," and to make the universal "c’mere," signal. She knew her performance was Oscar worthy.

But alas, she was about to come face to face with her birth defect for the first time. When the cast and crew sat down to review the daily (not dailies as this film was on a tight budget and each scene had only one take, it was completed in one day), Janni Laine saw it, and was crushed.

Sausage Fingers. Condolences may be sent to janniq@hotmail.com.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

you are never gonna believe!

So, I went to this amusement park the other day, you may have heard of it... Knott's Berry Farm? Anyway... I went on this roller coaster, and you will never believe what I found!


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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

they are soooo opinionated

You know, I’m a smart woman. Successful in my job, above average intelligence (136 I.Q. thank you very much). I wish they would stop telling me what to do, what I think, and how to feel.

Seriously. They say that your cake will be fluffier if you use 7-up instead of water in the recipe. They say that you need to make sure your tire pressure is good so that you get better gas mileage. They say that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. They say that weight gain can be avoided by shaving 50 – 100 calories from your diet each day. They say that kids who are involved with music will be more successful as adults. They say that the number one fear is speaking in public. They say the truth will set you free. They say that you can tell if an egg is fresh or not by seeing if it floats in a bowl of water. They say fingernails and hair keep growing after you die. They say pregnant women glow. They say love conquers all. They say that every cigarette you smoke shortens your life by seven minutes. They say experience is the best teacher. They say that human beings only use five percent of their brains.

But who are they? I’ve never met them, but I’ve heard about them all my life. Only thing I can think is they are aliens who implant these thoughts into the minds of the innocent so that the thoughts can be vomited back out in the form of useful information. It’s all I can figure.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Friday, April 15, 2005

stewardship in south east

Just a bit ago, there was a bomb threat at one of the finer dining establishments in South East Portland. I was driving by this particular place earlier this evening and there was a fellow out on the walkway with a sandwhich board (why this is the advertising method du jour i have no idea) advertising an apparently low price on a carton of Marlboro cigarettes. At least, I assume this is a low price, I don't smoke, so I can't be certain, but I've yet to hear of successful advertising campaign that involved boasting of inflated prices.

I'm very happy that they have decided to go this route. For two reasons. First, I'm glad to know that should I decide to take up smoking, I'll be able to do it while I dine. The second reason being that I am a firm believer that there is no better way to regain the public trust than by selling discounted tobacco.

I forcast a trend. Be on the lookout for more of this in the very near future.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

daily trivia by rebecca marie - volume II

Who is sicker than a dog, owes eleventy billion dollars to the state of Oregon and can't even juggle?

The answer is me.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

george lucas reads my blog!!! at least, i think he does....well, he should, anyway.

I thought that since I’m so smart, and all of you value my opinion so much, I’d take some time to review a few movies for you. Just to maybe give you some ideas for something to watch these rainy April days. Think of it as a little gift to you, from me.

I thought I’d start with the Star Wars movies, since they seem to be a topic of conversation lately, what with Revenge of the Sith about to be released to a cinema near you.

Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Yeah, so what was with those weird Vice Roy things? They totally creeped me out. Were they amphibians or what? And their accent, where were they supposed to be from? Also, Jar Jar Binks. Do I really even need to start telling you all of the reasons I wanted to squash him? Meesa don’t be thinking so. If he wasn’t bad enough, why did we have to meet all of the Gungans? One Gungan was puh-len-tee. How ‘bout little Anakin? His performance was Oscar worthy, no? The killer way he delivered the line, "I’m not a slave, I’m a person, and my name is Anakin!" I nearly cried….. I won’t even go into the pod races or that two headed announcer thing that sounded like Greg Proops. I did however, love Darth Maul. He was basically awesome. Too bad he got cut in half. He totally should’ve been in more of the movies. Totally.

Episode II – Attack of the Clones

Jar Jar was mysteriously absent for most of the movie. I like to think it had something to do with all of the death threats George Lucas received. I did like Hayden Christiansen as Anakin, even though most boys say he was too soft. Mostly, this movie left me thankful to finally understand why storm troopers are so stupid. They are Stepford wives. It all makes sense now. I’m pretty sure that was the guy from NYPD Blue, wearing William Shakespeare's turtleneck so I’m kind of confused about that. Senator Amidala was real pretty though. So, there were a lot of fun things to look at, but not much of a story.

Episode IV – A New Hope

I am soooo sorry that Luke Skywalker is the new hope. I mean, the unbelievably whiney way he speaks to his uncle drives me batty. BATTY. I’d’ve washed that boys mouth right out with soap. I wish that Han Solo could’ve been the new hope. He was much cooler. Much more awesome. I didn’t hear him whine a single time. I would like to know how he understands that saskwatch he runs around with though. It would be like pretending that you understand your dog. "What’s that Chewie? Luke is a whiney idiot?" Also. Leia, put on a bra… if you don’t your bound to have Han grope you inappropriately two movies down the line.

Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

I recommend this one. It was pretty good.

Episode VI – The Return of the Jedi

HAN IS ALIVE!!! HAN IS ALIVE!!! Thank goodness, seriously. It was almost more than I could take as a budding young girl (did I just say that? Gross). Anyway… Something rubbed me really wrong about the Ewoks. Oh! I know! It’s that they were completely ridiculous! That’s it! If I wanted to watch a movie about terrifically fake looking teddy bears, I’d rent Gremlins. But, there is a groping scene as previously mentioned. Look for it. Right after that big green door gets shot at. Leia falls, Han gropes. I’ve just one question. Tell me how Anakin’s body got to that forest? First, he’s going teats up in Luke’s arms, cut to Luke flying away with the fiery ball of chaos behind him, then, Anakin is on that weird cremation platform. Are we to believe Luke dragged him out? Somehow, I just don’t think he would’ve had the time.

Oh, well, it appears my movie review time is up… join me another day and I’ll tackle The Lord of the Rings…..

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Friday, April 08, 2005

featured artist of the day

So Byron says to me, he goes "Rebecca Marie, can I make you a picture?"

Wait, did he really ask permission to make me art? Yes, yes he did. He rocks the house.

Being a fellow Napolean junkie, it should have been no surprise that this is what arrived in my mailbox, shortly thereafter....

"Delicious Bass," by the best brother-in-law of ever.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Thursday, April 07, 2005

i hate when this happens - HAAAAAATE

I have this song stuck in my head, like really really stuck. I can’t stop humming it.…. Here, let me hum it for you real quick and see if you can guess what it is, hmmm?

Bom bom bom

Da da dum da dum dum dum dum
Da da dum da dum dum dum

Da da dum dum dum dum dum dum
Da da dum dum dum dum duuum

Da da dum dum dum dum dum dum
Da da dum dum dum dum duuuum

Da da dum dum dum dum dum dum
Da da dum dum duuuum dum duuuuuuum.

Did you get it? It was the University of Oregon fight song, "Mighty Oregon," freaking, duh. I nailed it, how could you not get it?

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

a little levity for your wednesday

Since most of you have already taken my old quiz, I made you a new one. I'm just generous that way.....

arrivederci, rebecca marie

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

bloggrity? inbloggrity? bloggtegrity? anyway.....

Once upon a time, there was a girl called Rebecca Marie. Well, Rebecca Marie wasn’t her real name, but it was pretty close. And, if we’re splitting hairs, she wasn’t a “girl,” either. She was a woman of thirty-one. She loved to write creatively. She had two books going, and the ideas forming for a third. She considered writing to be therapy, the way some women used shopping, or Prozac.

She was happy. Not with anything in particular. Just in general. And then web logging came along. “Yippeeeeee!” Rebecca Marie cried! “I can write whatever I want! Whenever I want to! About any thing I fancy to write about! This is just grand.”

So, her career as a “blogger” began. She wrote about intriguing hobo’s, one armed strippers and car dealership commercials. She wrote about abandoning pets and chopping down trees. She wrote about feisty birds, falling siblings and icy tracks. You name it, Rebecca Marie blogged about it.

Amazing things started happening to her. Strangers started leaving comments on her blog! She made real live friends! She even began socializing with blog friends outside of the internet. She felt truly blessed by her blog.

The problem was, Rebecca Marie was never a girl that you would consider the delicate flower type. She was even known to be a bit crass. It was always a struggle for Rebecca Marie. How could she find balance between being true to the personality that God gave her, while still acting like a child of God?

Rebecca Marie decided that the best route was to just be true to herself AND God. So she wrote the stories that she wanted to write, but chose her words carefully. She even talked about delicate topics, like funny pharmaceutical ads for erectile dysfunction. She enjoyed herself thoroughly. Her faithful readers did too. It was a wonderful place, bloggerville. She was a happy resident.

But one day, bad things started happening. Things Rebecca Marie never intended. People got mean. People got rude. People got more crass than Rebecca Marie was comfortable with. The worst part of it was that Rebecca Marie started worrying that she may have crossed the line as well.

So, she tried to fix it. She went all around bloggerville, deleting comments that she had made that might be construed as offensive. She left the ones she wanted to leave, like the one about toe beards on Breanna’s site, or the one about boys being icky that she left on Ted’s site (which was hard for her to leave, frankly, as she had misspelled “icky”) or the one about clowns on Tabitha’s site, or the one about winning contests on Bill’s site (and so on and so on). But the ones that were potentially offensive, and the ones that could be misunderstood, she deleted.

She even deleted some of her very own posts, which was very hard for her to do. She deleted a post about a great April Fool’s joke. She deleted one about pharmaceutical ads. She didn’t want to delete these entries. She really loved these entries. She thought they were very funny. And anyone who knew Rebecca Marie, would know what her intent was with those entries. They would know that she is a very good girl, who sometimes pokes fun at the obviously funny and ironic things in this world. But, she had more concern for doing the right thing than she had love for her entries.

Now Rebecca Marie didn’t believe that she had done anything wrong by writing about these things. What she did believe, deep down in the depths of her heart, was that if anyone could ever possibly misconstrue her writing as tolerance of bad behaiviour, then her writing must go.

So, Rebecca Marie decided that she would begin immediately to blog with integrity. Her most sincere hope was that others would join her as well.

The End.

I Corinthians 10:31-33

31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32 Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God– 33 even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

P.S. Friends, please do not stop commenting on my entries..... I love your feedback. I only want to do my best to be the child God has called me to be.

P.S. numero dos. My most sincere thanks to those of you concerned that I may have had my feelings trampled, or had trouble at work or church because of this. That is not why I wrote the above story about Rebecca Marie. The main reason that I wrote it is that it is heavy on my heart to remember that although the internet is LARGE, the world is so very small. I mostly wanted this to be a call to kindness. Will I still tell stories about the observations I make? Absolutely. Will I still be rude? Just try and stop me......

Saturday, April 02, 2005

mwah ha ha ha ha, i fooled you all

The answer was behind door number two. With naught but dull bread knife in hand, we took danger by the hand and committed grand theft arbor. We took turns sawing, and it was no easy feat but eventually we had our prize. To this day, I suffer no guilt.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Friday, April 01, 2005

to tell the truth

One of the following stories is true. Let’s just see how easily you are fooled, this fine April Fool’s day.

When I was, oh, about 23 I think, me and my friend Shanna had nothing to do so we decided to go pedestrian screaming (don’t ask). There was hardly anyone on the road, and by this time we’d made our way up 82nd Avenue to Marine Drive. There are quite a few hotels up along Airport Way, so we decided to head into the Sheraton and have a wee drinkie or two. We were dressed fairly nicely, as we’d had dinner together before boredom struck. So, when we walked by a wedding reception in progress, we felt we had no choice but to grace the guests with our presence. We danced and danced and danced, congratulated the Bride and Groom, thanked her parents for the lovely party, just as if we belonged there. The best part of it all? Shanna ended up dating the best man for over a year, and no one ever knew we had only crashed the party.

When I was in college, Tanya and I became overwhelmed with Christmas cheer. We were very poor, as all of our meager earnings were spent on "burrito specials" (a reecers bean and cheese burrito, a bag of cheetoes and a fountain drink) from the student store, oh, that and liquid Maalox. To add to our temporary financial embarrassment, we had already maxed our student visas so we had no pretend money to spend either. The thing was, we really really wanted a Christmas tree for our dorm room. So, we dressed up in all black, got into Tanya’s car, and with nothing but a dull bread knife, went in search of the perfect tree. We found a lovely tree in someone’s front yard near Glendovere. It took a good forty-five minutes to saw through the trunk, but we had the loveliest tree for our dorm!

Janni Laine and I used to have Mondays off together. This was when I was a grocery checker, and she was a hairdresser. We had a standing date at the mall. Which is odd, frankly, as I hate shopping. We’d eat at Azteca, or over at The Olive Garden across the street, then we’d spend way too much money at the Clinique and Lancome counters. Well, one day, the clerk at the Lancome counter (who we had struck up a bit of a friendship with at this point) asked us how it was that we were able to be there every Monday. With no hesitation I said, "Actually, we work for the Estee Lauder company, and we’re here every Monday, we’ll be at the Lloyd Center tomorrow, and we usually head up to the Tacoma/Seattle area Wednesday and Thursday. We just shop around and pick up all the new products from our competition." Janni Laine just smiled, and nodded. It was weeks before we told her the truth.

Okay, now, you decide……Which story is true?

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. on my honour, one of these stories is true. i will tell you which one tomorrow.