i found in my pursuit of God that He was much more hotly in pursuit of me.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

no wonder we're all lost

You know what I find intriguing? Directional orders that have nothing to do with the behaiviour that you want changed. Why is this helpful? If you shout at me to “listen UP,” I’m not going to listen any harder than if you’d’ve only shouted at me to “listen.”

Or “settle DOWN,” or “calm DOWN.” Why down? Why am I taking my level of settledness down? Doesn’t the yeller want my level of settledness to increase? As well as my level of calm? It’s strange.

Why does “shut UP,” mean the same thing as “quiet DOWN?” Why isn’t it “shut DOWN,” which would mean almost the same thing? Or “pipe DOWN.” Bizarre.

Okay, I’m sure that I could wonder about this for hours, but Janni Laine is in town and waiting for me over at the folks house, so I need to hurry UP and get ready, or I’ll slow them all DOWN.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Friday, May 20, 2005

i stone cold quit

In the immortal words of Natalie Dee... "you say ‘unemployment,' I say ‘fun-employment’!!"

Yeah, that’s right! As of June 17th, 2005, I will be a kept woman. You can look for me on my couch, watching talk shows and eating chocolate.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

let's be candid

One of my favorite things to argue about is BAD PICTURES. I’ve always gotten a kick out of hearing people say "oh, wow, that is a reeeeeaaaally bad picture of me." No, not really. The picture is not bad. You looked bad when it was taken. It is an accurate portrayal of how you looked the moment the shutter opened and closed.

Okay, okay. I’ll give you lighting/posing issues. I would prefer not to have my picture taken in a room filled with fluorescent bulbs. I would also prefer that you allow me a chance to, say, turn slightly to the side (who’m I kidding, we all know that I’m round). But for the most part, pictures are YOU. Unless you are flipping through a stack of drawings done by a five-year-old, don’t say "wow, that is a bad picture." Say, "wow, I really looked bad when that picture was taken."

Also, for your information; in general, humans are relaxed. Look around, we do UGLY stuff. Just be thankful that there aren’t more pictures to enjoy. I bet the girl that I was watching at a fancy dinner on Saturday while she scratched her armpit, picked her teeth, and squeezed her arm pimples woulda stopped if someone started waving a camera.

Stop blaming the poor camera/film/photographer. I stopped that a while ago. It is totally and completely my fault if I choose to say "cheese," when I’m sucking down a frozen coke in my worst pajamas and I haven’t even combed my hair.

Just accept that we are not that pretty, unless we plan it out.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

call to action

Dear faithful readers,

I need your help. Please click here and leave comments demanding entries.

I keep telling Janni Laine to write more, but she says "I don't think I like it." I say, it doesn't matter what she likes, it's all about what we want, right?

I told her that we don't care if it's personal stuff. We are happy reading about what some old man in her lobby is wearing, or about the rude grocery clerk. We're not particular.

Just do it already, Janni Laine!

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

creeeeeeepiness factor ten

So, for those of you who remember this particular PSA...

kiteman - are kites made of wire, or wet string, ever?

kids - NEVER

kiteman - what about frogs?

freaky girl with freaky voice - iiii liiiiiike frogs...

kiteman - what if your kite wiiiiinds around a powerline?

kids - call the Kiteman!

Now, here is my question... what. was. up with that creeeeepy little "i like frogs" girl?

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Saturday, May 07, 2005

adreneline junkie seeks thrill - holey wheels need not apply

‘Member big wheels? HUGE narrow plastic wheel in the front, two sweet fatties in the back, a seat like a tractor, high wide chopper style handlebars, a brake lever that you could yank up on and spin out? They were bad to the bone.

Yeah well I never had one.

Don’t give me any garbage about them being made for the fellas either. They came in pink, too. All dolled up with flowers on the seat and streamers from the handlebars and everything.

Wade. Had. Two. TWO!!!

He also had a righteous hill. I mean, it’s not steep now, not as an adult, but to a couple of seven year olds, it was like dead man's curve and the cliffs of insanity all rolled into one.

Here’s what we would do… We would strain and struggle our way up the hill, ready for the RUSH of riding back down at break neck speed only to yank hard on the brake lever and spin out at the bottom. I’m pretty sure that this is where my entitlement issues started. One of Wades big wheels was pristine. One had been ridden so hard that the biiiiig front wheel had a hole in it. Which one do you think he chose?

So there I was…. Ready for the big thrill, watching Wade whiiiiiiz by, screaming like a woman over the excitement of it all, while my traitorous big wheel went Thuh-Thunk… Thuh-Thunk….. Thuh-Thunk….. Thuh-Thunk…..Thuh-Thunk….. Thuh-Thunk…..

Big stupid jerk. I’ll let you decide if I was talking about Wade or the big wheel.

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arrivederci, rebecca marie

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

i'm never eating cereal again

I didn't write this story... I copied it from MSNBC.

LONDON - A British boy tucking into his breakfast had a nasty surprise when he discovered a two-foot long snake inside his box of cereal.

Jordan Willett, 5, thought he had found a toy when the serpent -- a harmless corn snake -- slithered out of the packet of "Golden Puffs" his parents had bought from discount store Netto in Telford, central England.

"It was quite long and popped its head up. I've seen snakes on TV before but never in a box of cereal," he told the Daily Mail newspaper.

Netto said on Wednesday it was talking to its suppliers to review procedures and check on its stock.

"This does seem to be a bizarre incident but we are treating it seriously," said Netto trading director Clive Cooper.

Corn snakes, which feed on mice and birds, are commonly kept as pets around the world.

OH MY COW.....

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arrivederci, rebecca marie (shudder)

Monday, May 02, 2005

what do you stand for

A while back, I wrote a little entry-pooh about my take on bumper stickers. My entry for today will be a wee bit about those dealie-bobs that go around the license plate. What inspired me to write about was the one I saw on the way to work this morning. Here is what it said, “Blondes are Better. Sorry about your luck.” Whah? Better than what? Blondes are better than football? Blondes are better than rubber bands? Blondes are better than twelve long stemmed roses? I mean. I’m not stupid. I get that the message is “People with blonde hair are better than people with different coloured hair, and also are better than people with no hair at all, and if you don’t have blonde hair, it must be because you have bad luck. Too bad for that.” But really. People. Is this really a topic that you feel so passionate about that you have to strap it ‘round your license plate?

Don’t get me wrong, I would, in fact, right now, rather be shopping at Nordstrom. I simply don’t feel the need to advertise that with a gold plated license plate frame.

I saw one once that said “Wrangler butts drive me nuts.” Actually, I’ve seen that several times. It just made me sad for the poor girl (or guy, I suppose) driving the car. Did she (or, he, I suppose) really think that some hunk-uh-hunk-uh-burnin’ cowperson was gonna start frantically honking and waving their phone number out the window? I don’t really know what they were hoping to accomplish with this message.

Oh, and by the way? Telling me that you “brake for garage sales” will not make me more aware of your brake lights than anyone else on the road. I plan on tailgating you just as bad as the next guy, probably more, actually.

As far as your pets go, advertising how much you heart your pomeranian/shih-tzu/snow cat/whatever only makes me think that you must stink like a litter box.

I have no idea what license plate frame I could ever see that would make me feel so passionate about it that I would actually put it on my car.

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arrividerci, rebecca marie