george lucas reads my blog!!! at least, i think he does....well, he should, anyway.
I thought that since I’m so smart, and all of you value my opinion so much, I’d take some time to review a few movies for you. Just to maybe give you some ideas for something to watch these rainy April days. Think of it as a little gift to you, from me.
I thought I’d start with the Star Wars movies, since they seem to be a topic of conversation lately, what with Revenge of the Sith about to be released to a cinema near you.
Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Yeah, so what was with those weird Vice Roy things? They totally creeped me out. Were they amphibians or what? And their accent, where were they supposed to be from? Also, Jar Jar Binks. Do I really even need to start telling you all of the reasons I wanted to squash him? Meesa don’t be thinking so. If he wasn’t bad enough, why did we have to meet all of the Gungans? One Gungan was puh-len-tee. How ‘bout little Anakin? His performance was Oscar worthy, no? The killer way he delivered the line, "I’m not a slave, I’m a person, and my name is Anakin!" I nearly cried….. I won’t even go into the pod races or that two headed announcer thing that sounded like Greg Proops. I did however, love Darth Maul. He was basically awesome. Too bad he got cut in half. He totally should’ve been in more of the movies. Totally.
Episode II – Attack of the Clones
Jar Jar was mysteriously absent for most of the movie. I like to think it had something to do with all of the death threats George Lucas received. I did like Hayden Christiansen as Anakin, even though most boys say he was too soft. Mostly, this movie left me thankful to finally understand why storm troopers are so stupid. They are Stepford wives. It all makes sense now. I’m pretty sure that was the guy from NYPD Blue, wearing William Shakespeare's turtleneck so I’m kind of confused about that. Senator Amidala was real pretty though. So, there were a lot of fun things to look at, but not much of a story.
Episode IV – A New Hope
I am soooo sorry that Luke Skywalker is the new hope. I mean, the unbelievably whiney way he speaks to his uncle drives me batty. BATTY. I’d’ve washed that boys mouth right out with soap. I wish that Han Solo could’ve been the new hope. He was much cooler. Much more awesome. I didn’t hear him whine a single time. I would like to know how he understands that saskwatch he runs around with though. It would be like pretending that you understand your dog. "What’s that Chewie? Luke is a whiney idiot?" Also. Leia, put on a bra… if you don’t your bound to have Han grope you inappropriately two movies down the line.
Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back
I recommend this one. It was pretty good.
Episode VI – The Return of the Jedi
HAN IS ALIVE!!! HAN IS ALIVE!!! Thank goodness, seriously. It was almost more than I could take as a budding young girl (did I just say that? Gross). Anyway… Something rubbed me really wrong about the Ewoks. Oh! I know! It’s that they were completely ridiculous! That’s it! If I wanted to watch a movie about terrifically fake looking teddy bears, I’d rent Gremlins. But, there is a groping scene as previously mentioned. Look for it. Right after that big green door gets shot at. Leia falls, Han gropes. I’ve just one question. Tell me how Anakin’s body got to that forest? First, he’s going teats up in Luke’s arms, cut to Luke flying away with the fiery ball of chaos behind him, then, Anakin is on that weird cremation platform. Are we to believe Luke dragged him out? Somehow, I just don’t think he would’ve had the time.
Oh, well, it appears my movie review time is up… join me another day and I’ll tackle The Lord of the Rings…..
arrivederci, rebecca marie
I thought I’d start with the Star Wars movies, since they seem to be a topic of conversation lately, what with Revenge of the Sith about to be released to a cinema near you.
Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Yeah, so what was with those weird Vice Roy things? They totally creeped me out. Were they amphibians or what? And their accent, where were they supposed to be from? Also, Jar Jar Binks. Do I really even need to start telling you all of the reasons I wanted to squash him? Meesa don’t be thinking so. If he wasn’t bad enough, why did we have to meet all of the Gungans? One Gungan was puh-len-tee. How ‘bout little Anakin? His performance was Oscar worthy, no? The killer way he delivered the line, "I’m not a slave, I’m a person, and my name is Anakin!" I nearly cried….. I won’t even go into the pod races or that two headed announcer thing that sounded like Greg Proops. I did however, love Darth Maul. He was basically awesome. Too bad he got cut in half. He totally should’ve been in more of the movies. Totally.
Episode II – Attack of the Clones
Jar Jar was mysteriously absent for most of the movie. I like to think it had something to do with all of the death threats George Lucas received. I did like Hayden Christiansen as Anakin, even though most boys say he was too soft. Mostly, this movie left me thankful to finally understand why storm troopers are so stupid. They are Stepford wives. It all makes sense now. I’m pretty sure that was the guy from NYPD Blue, wearing William Shakespeare's turtleneck so I’m kind of confused about that. Senator Amidala was real pretty though. So, there were a lot of fun things to look at, but not much of a story.
Episode IV – A New Hope
I am soooo sorry that Luke Skywalker is the new hope. I mean, the unbelievably whiney way he speaks to his uncle drives me batty. BATTY. I’d’ve washed that boys mouth right out with soap. I wish that Han Solo could’ve been the new hope. He was much cooler. Much more awesome. I didn’t hear him whine a single time. I would like to know how he understands that saskwatch he runs around with though. It would be like pretending that you understand your dog. "What’s that Chewie? Luke is a whiney idiot?" Also. Leia, put on a bra… if you don’t your bound to have Han grope you inappropriately two movies down the line.
Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back
I recommend this one. It was pretty good.
Episode VI – The Return of the Jedi
HAN IS ALIVE!!! HAN IS ALIVE!!! Thank goodness, seriously. It was almost more than I could take as a budding young girl (did I just say that? Gross). Anyway… Something rubbed me really wrong about the Ewoks. Oh! I know! It’s that they were completely ridiculous! That’s it! If I wanted to watch a movie about terrifically fake looking teddy bears, I’d rent Gremlins. But, there is a groping scene as previously mentioned. Look for it. Right after that big green door gets shot at. Leia falls, Han gropes. I’ve just one question. Tell me how Anakin’s body got to that forest? First, he’s going teats up in Luke’s arms, cut to Luke flying away with the fiery ball of chaos behind him, then, Anakin is on that weird cremation platform. Are we to believe Luke dragged him out? Somehow, I just don’t think he would’ve had the time.
Oh, well, it appears my movie review time is up… join me another day and I’ll tackle The Lord of the Rings…..
arrivederci, rebecca marie
proclaimed by rebecca marie at 1:57 PM
14 flattering compliments:
Wait? Why is Joel's hair so big? And where are Crow and Servo? But... Um... Wait? This isn't Myster Science Theater 3000 is it? OHHH.... It's roving reporter "Rebecca-Marie at the Movies" Your reviews touch on all the important stuff! Especially the grope. 'Han' knew EXACTLY what he was doing based on the smile on his face in that scene. Shamey Shamey Han!
That was Greg Proops as the announcer in Episode I...check out the credits at the end.
Aaahh, that would explain why it sounded so much like Greg Proops. He does sound an awful lot like himself.
wow! that was as action packed as the movies themselves! it was like a drive-through film viewing. and yes, i meant drive-through, not drive-in. someday, i'll be able to drive up to rebecca marie's golden arches or whatever she choses them to be and order the 'three amigo's' to go with a side of episode #47 of friends. i'll stick them in my cupholder and drive off satisfied and with so much more time left than it would actually have taken for me to watch the films all the way through! brilliant!
Funny you should bring that up Tabitha... It's actually going to be called "rebecca marie's burgers to go-go.....(hmm, that sounds way better when you use my real name, but anyway...)" Wait till you see the uniforms! Let's just say that brown polyester and lots of pink ric-rac will be involved.... oh, and roller skates....
How weird....Kevin made me watch all 3 old Star Wars movies with him this week (in anticipation of the new one coming out) I was honestly kinda bored...but don't tell him that, he'll be soooo offended
I own all three LOTR DVD's but have yet to watch the movies themselves...I'm so wierd. :) May 19 is just around the corner: EPISODE !!!
I was at Harding University from 1995-2001 (no I'm not slow :) ) I was in the Knights social club. Let's play six degrees of separation.
I personally find all of you a bit nerdy with your Star Wars talk...don't get me wrong. I think you are all great, just nerdy. I mean, Big Mike, who notices things like that?!
Greg Proops has a pretty distinguishable voice. Your reviews are pretty much on par with what I think about the Star Wars movies. I think George Lucas made some really cool stories with an awesome vision and then ruined them by directing them himself.
Exactly Tim, you nailed it.
You guys are geeks!
Takes one to know one.....
By the way, I went back and watched for aforementioned groping, and after she gets obviously shot high on the shoulder, Han Solo proceeds to "check her" by grabbing her all over. She must have been on fire or something.
hee hee. once you know it's there, you can't help but see it. every. time.
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