the saddest story of ever
Janni Laine has a very unfortunate birth defect. Perhaps even more unfortunate than the defect itself, is that she resided on the planet for an entire decade before she became aware of it. The people around her knew she’d find out soon enough on her own, so no need to spoil the surprise.
But this particular story starts long after she was born. At age ten, Janni Laine set her sights on her dream career. Hand modeling. In her estimation, there was nothing to compare to the loveliness of her very own hands. She took her training seriously. She let her nails grow to an astounding one sixteenth of an inch, quite a feat for a nail biter, and the training began. She posed (keeping all but her hands out of her view in the mirror) with her mother’s rings, she posed with her mother’s oil of Olay, she posed with bracelets. If she could get her hand on it, or it on her hand, she modeled it. Success was imminent.
So, it was only fitting that when Stephanie Gowen decided to write, produce and film her very own murder mystery movie, it should be starring "Janni Laine’s hand" as "the bad guy’s hand." Now, Mark Curtis thought the role should be for his hand, as his was the voice talent that was lent to "the bad guy’s voice," but Janni Laine’s passion was very convincing, and frankly, Mark's fingers were freckly.
Janni Laine took the role very seriously. She wore a giant man ring that fairly reeked of "bad guy" jewelry. She drummed her fingernails on the table menacingly. She used her hand to "point," and to make the universal "c’mere," signal. She knew her performance was Oscar worthy.
But alas, she was about to come face to face with her birth defect for the first time. When the cast and crew sat down to review the daily (not dailies as this film was on a tight budget and each scene had only one take, it was completed in one day), Janni Laine saw it, and was crushed.
Sausage Fingers. Condolences may be sent to janniq@hotmail.com.
arrivederci, rebecca marie
But this particular story starts long after she was born. At age ten, Janni Laine set her sights on her dream career. Hand modeling. In her estimation, there was nothing to compare to the loveliness of her very own hands. She took her training seriously. She let her nails grow to an astounding one sixteenth of an inch, quite a feat for a nail biter, and the training began. She posed (keeping all but her hands out of her view in the mirror) with her mother’s rings, she posed with her mother’s oil of Olay, she posed with bracelets. If she could get her hand on it, or it on her hand, she modeled it. Success was imminent.
So, it was only fitting that when Stephanie Gowen decided to write, produce and film her very own murder mystery movie, it should be starring "Janni Laine’s hand" as "the bad guy’s hand." Now, Mark Curtis thought the role should be for his hand, as his was the voice talent that was lent to "the bad guy’s voice," but Janni Laine’s passion was very convincing, and frankly, Mark's fingers were freckly.
Janni Laine took the role very seriously. She wore a giant man ring that fairly reeked of "bad guy" jewelry. She drummed her fingernails on the table menacingly. She used her hand to "point," and to make the universal "c’mere," signal. She knew her performance was Oscar worthy.
But alas, she was about to come face to face with her birth defect for the first time. When the cast and crew sat down to review the daily (not dailies as this film was on a tight budget and each scene had only one take, it was completed in one day), Janni Laine saw it, and was crushed.
Sausage Fingers. Condolences may be sent to janniq@hotmail.com.
arrivederci, rebecca marie
proclaimed by rebecca marie at 3:13 PM
6 flattering compliments:
I remember once mother telling me that if I didn't stop biting my nails, I wouldn't have any anymore. What a mean thing to say to a future hand model! Especially one with OCD. Like I could stop if I wanted too..... And you should see my toes. My husband actually laughed at how short and sausage-ey they were. Asked why I didn't fall over when I walked....
I don't know the people you're talking about and you're still killing me :D
now.... I do know all of the people that you're talking about, and I gotta agree.... except for the part about the toes, you know that Janni Laine inherited my toes very naturally, and Byron... she won't fall down unless she happens to be holding fresh cups of starbucks coffee and the driveway is icy... and you know that coffee up the nose is a good thing on a cold day. and Janni Laine, I'm glad you've finally stopped biting your nails.... because that acrylic stuff tastes awful. thanks for the laughs at your sister's expense RebeccaMarie.. love you girls
-yer Dad
You're the best aunt a kid could have. You sure know how to make people laugh. Keep up the great work.
Oh my gosh, that was funny.(still wiping my eyes) sausage fingers ROFL
I read the hand chronicles of Janni with a heavy heart. For I too aspired to famous handing. My occupation lent its considerable handicaps to the endevour. As a chef I dodged the knives, hot things and even the dreaded dishpan hands that plagued many of my ilk. There was nothing I could do about the smell of garlic and fish coming from the end of my arms but at least I thought we still had our looks. Well as more of my work found it's way to film I still thought it could happen. Then at the Northwest Restaurant Show In Portland they set up a 60" Plasma screen with pictures of some of my work. It was behind me so I didn't see what everyone was laughing at but when I heard "look at those bratwursts" and knew there wasn't a hot dog booth around I turned and there they were. Close up to sausages holding a nice knife chopping Basil. I feel with counseling I might come to terms with a dream lost. I feel Janni's pain like few could.
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