what so proudly i hailed

I accidentally caught a few minutes of Jerry Springer earlier today. It was completely by mistake, and it took about an hour to stop bleeding from the eyes. I was just innocently flipping through the channels on the talking picture box when I was distracted by a man with a microphone and another man in fatigues. I thought I'd stop down for a sec and find out what the soldier was saying.

He said something like this,

"You are a dirty (sounds like war, has two of the same letters as war) and you should go back to eight mile."

Now, I don't know what that means, but I did know that it was fairly shameful for a soldier to be saying that to any woman (or for anyone to be saying that to anyone) and that's when it dawned on me. I AM WATCHING JERRY SPRINGER.

Then I saw that there was an entire row of Marines in the studio audience. I. Was. Horrified. Eeeuuuwww. What in the world were they doing wasting their leave at Jerry Springer?

Well Jerry was proud to have them in his audience, let me tell you. He invited them all up on stage with the stripper and the guy who she is sleeping with and his girlfriend and everyone sang the national anthem to them.

At first, I was blown away by the fact that all of those trashies knew the words, but then I had my second epiphone of the day. They know the words from watching all the Nascar.



arrivederci, rebecca marie

long over due art commision

Nearly forever ago my friend Jolene posted an entry on her blog about the perpetual polution problem in Malaysia. Being a very helpful friend, I suggested that she solve all of her problems by simply moving to the United States, where, as everyone knows, we have no polution problems. Her husband suggested that I make a drawing showing them living in the US of A and who am I to dissapoint?

So with no further ado, I present to you - We're the Lims in America (waah oooh)



I would also like to point out that in addition to being an extraordinary writer and artist, I am also an excellent cartographer.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

expiration sensation

I have a box of wine in my fridge onaccountabecause I'm trash. I have a glass of wine about once every two weeks, so I'm thankful that the current box doesn't expire until January 21st, 2006.

Wait, what? That can't be right. I get that they can come close to when it expires, but how do they know the exact day? I reeeeeeaaally wonder what would happen to me if I had a glass on the 22nd.



arrivederci, rebecca marie

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

so i have this other blog, right? i only just started it, and only just for fun.

so i go there today, to post an entry about a little language twist that i've always found fascinating, and some stranger leaves me a comment about how i'm all ignorant and intolerant, like.

ME!! anyone who knows me knows that not only am i extremely intelligent (not bragging, i'm a stay at home mom, for pete's sake, not a rocket scientist, but intelligent nonetheless), but also one of the least intolerant people around.

anyway, i just thought it was interesting, and an awesome reminder that not everything in the blogosphere is as it seems. there are plenty of bloggers out there who are clearly making jokes about ignorance and intolerance and blog out of total sarcasm.

mostly, don't freaking box me into a stereotype, please. i am entitled to my own opinion, thank you very much.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

interchangeability

Since, oh, The Marrying Man, I've been of the opinion that the Baldwins were fairly interchangeable. Yes, I realize that there's the violent one, the attractive one, the blonde one, the one no one's heard of, but basically you can lift one right out and insert another one and the general public would hardly notice.

I think that would suck real bad, sincerely. But the benefit of being a Baldwin is that you pretty much always have work. They crop up everywhere! It's phenominal. I mean, really all over the place. One of them even did Celebrity Mole and I think one of them even showed up in like, Thomas the Tank Engine or whatever it was called.

I just did a quick internet search, and I found over fifty movies with Baldwin credits, and that was the first link.

But you know what is even sadder than being an interchangeable Baldwin? Being a DeLuise. I was watching Encino Man the other day, and there was a miscilaneous DeLuise in it, and it got me to remembering other entertainment type dealies with random DeLuise kids in it. I mean, did you even know that there were three of them? It was shocking to recall.

There was a DeLuise in that basically awesome sitcom, Jesse, a few years back.

There was a Deluise in Waynes World.

There was a DeLuise in 21 Jump Street.

Oh, no, wait. There were two Deluiseseses in 21 Jump Street.

There was even a Deluise in a Purina Benefuls commercial.

And believe you me, I could have listed fifty more DeLuise kids appearances, if I didn't have a life to live.

All I'm saying is, if I had to be interchangeable? I think I'd rather be a Baldwin than a DeLuis. At least people know who the Baldwins are, you know?, Well I mean, you know who most of them are, anyway.



arrivederci, rebecca marie

useless internet novelties

So I happened upon this website, where you can make your own tombstone.

Huh. That implies that there will be an end to Rebecca Marie.



arrivederci, rebecca marie

i got tiggity tagged my bloggzizzles

I was tagged again... and you know what? Tabitha is so very lucky, cause this is the last tagging game for me. Call me a party pooper if you will, I've certainly been called worse.

Mmmkay, here we go...

7 things I plan to do before I die...

1. Become a midwife
2. Publish a book
3. Embarrass myself publicly at least once a year
4. Learn to play the guitar
5. Own a piano
6. Read the entire works of William Shakespeare
7. Take my last breath

7 things I can do...

1. Sing 7 by Prince and the New Power Generation
2. Be told that i look like Bette Midler without committing murder
3. Overuse ellipses...
4. Scream worthy of a horror movie
5. Believe that I am beautiful
6. Rotate my own tires
7. Tell you what half of the class was wearing on the first day of eighth grade

7 things I can not do...

1. A cartwheel
2. Kick a 47 yard field goal
3. Sing bass
4. Speak Gaelic
5. Tesseract
6. Stand the Lord of the Rings
7. Find a word that rhymes with orange

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

1. The ability to keep me in line (i'm not joking)
2. The desire to be successful
3. Willingness to wear ribbed turtleneck sweaters
4. Clean hands
5. Not crying
6. Big noses
7. When they are the MAN

7 things i say most often

1. that something is "all the" something else (that is all the awesome)
2. for REAL
3. where're my keys?
4. where's my phone?
5. can i JUST go to the bathroom alone?
6. it's too hot
7. is there something in my teeth?

7 celebrity crushes

1. Steve Martin
2. Ben Stiller
3. Nick Cage
4. Gaston
5. Masaharu Morimoto
6. Johnny Knoxville
7. Rupert Grint (who i agree, is too young, he's just adorable though)

7 people I want to do this.

uhm, how bout this. anyone who wants to, take it and run!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

what's in a name?

i just remembered that i like the name wyatt. i do not know how i ever could have forgotten that i like that name, cause it is a real boss name, sincerely.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

got a sec?

On my old bloggie-pooh I had done a list of one hundred things about me. Twice. If you can find my old blog, you are welcome to go read the lists. But, it's been a while, so I figgered it was time to write another list.

So, without further ado;

one hundred things about Rebecca Marie

1. Weather permitting; I’d wear a turtleneck everyday of my life. Every. Day.
2. I like cheap wine from a box.
3. I have to wash my hands every time I touch a dog. Every. Time.
4. In general, I use too many ls. If something is truly wonderful, then shouldn’t it be wonderfull?
5. I keep secrets very well.
6. I like to say that people are tetched in the heid.
7. Please don’t spread this one around, but I think Eternal Flame by The Bangles is basically awesome.
8. I think soybeans taste exactly like green. Exactly.
9. I make the best taco salad in the whole wide world. Period.
10. I adore infomercials.

11. It creeps me out real real bad that babies grow inside people and they don’t breath air.
12. I’m part Native American and I still like to go “Hai yai yai yai…” inappropriately if I see anything that looks Indianish.
13. Oh, speaking of being part Native? I like to refer to all Oregon casinos as “My people’s casino.”
14. I never could do a cartwheel.
15. If I could go back and do high school again, knowing what I know now, I’d still ace my ACTs but barely graduate because memorizing song lyrics would still be more important to me than homework.
16. I have an IQ of 136 (that’s pretty darned high…).
17. I have a hard time not being rude to people who joke that schizophrenia is the same thing as multiple personality disorder. Not a single one of my other selves is schizophrenic.
18. I wish my home were decorated in mid-century modern, but I keep decorating in postimpressionist. Apparently, I’m an old dog.
19. It drives me batty when people say “I found it on the net,” or “I was surfing the web.” No, I don’t have a less annoying substitute.
20. I think Dirty Dancing sucked. Go ahead and stick Baby in a corner, I really don’t care.
21. I like Wal-Mart, but shopping there makes me feel like I need to bathe.
22. The Order of the Phoenix was so lame in comparison to the first four that I’ve not even cracked The Half Blood Prince open yet.

23. Five of the teeth in my head are fake.
24. I despise the Lord of the Rings movies. I openly mock them when forced to watch them. I’m putting off reading the books, because I’m afraid of liking the story and being unable to make fun in the future.
25. I saw The Music Man on stage starring John Davidson (you know, from Hollywood Squares?) and I loved it.
26. I won’t drink Yoohoo. Well, I don’t drink milk, anyway, but milk called Yoohoo is a real problem.
27. I love barbershop quartets.
28. I have real live mafia connections on my Italian side. Like, the concrete boots, money laundering, real live mafia.
29. Sometimes I get the theme song from the old cartoon She-Rah stuck in my head. This is particularly odd, as I never watched that cartoon.
30. I make snap judgments about people the first time I meet them. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been wrong.
31. I think the name backgammon is really weird. That’s not a typo. Not the game, the name.
32. My favorite paying job was as a barista, and this was before Starbucks.
33. I utterly despise Starbucks. I prefer my coffee unburnt. (my apologies to anyone related to anyone who works there… it’s a personal preference)
34. I think that the number of grapes I just ate was equal to or greater than the amount of grapes required to make me ill.

35. I’m not a fan of play-doh.
36. I hear a “d” in college and a “p” in warmth. Colledge. Warmpth.
37. When I was chatting online with Janni Laine earlier, she kept misspelling “awkward.” She was spelling it “ackward,” and I loved it.
38. One of my pet peeves (aside from calling annoyances “pet peeves”) is when people refer to tossed salads as “toss salad.”
39. I like those Vonage commercials. You know, the ones with that song that goes, “yee hee, yee hee hee, yee hee, yee hee hee….”
40. I liked Encino Man enough that I bought it from Janni Laine at her garbage sale.
41. I don’t think that anything is the new anything else. Black will always be black. Salsa will always be salsa. Ridiculous catch phrases will always be ridiculous.
42. I won’t watch movies with Jennifer Lopez in them and I won’t call her that one thing that that one guy with the equally dumb nickname came up with for her. Gross.
43. I like burnt cheese.
44. I (shamefully) wish that People magazine had fewer articles about regular people. When I’m waiting for my turn at the dentist, I only want to read about celebrities, not people who raised money for school supplies.
45. I used to unravel the bookmarks of the hymnals at Linwood Church of Christ and then braid them instead of listening to the preacher yell.
46. I like my frozen coke with a layer of cherry slurpee in the middle.
47. I like to turn nouns into verbs. Like, “I fandangoed our tickets,” or “I’ll netflix it,” or “I’m claustrophoberating.”
48. I know Janni Laine will protect my image if I kick the bucket on the toily. I know it.
49. I believe that offensive pass interference should be abolished. If I’m on the offense, I should be able to stop you from catching my ball.

50. I’ll be thirty-two on Saturday and I don’t care. I’m still as immature as I was when I was twenty and so there.
51. Marie is not my original middle name. If you feel like it, you can go back to the beginning of this blog and read all about it.
52. I’m nearly breathless with anticipating the next Amazing Race.
53. My very first phone number was 503.655.3827.
54. I don’t play on the beach when I go to the beach. I prefer to spend my time reading or gambling at my people’s casino.
55. I went to the Ramblin’ Rod show when I was a little girl but all I remember of it is the girl who whistled beef on the way there in the car. She ruined her brownie uniform and made us all gag. Jerk.
56. I sucked my finger until I was in junior high.
57. I got sad when Jennifer and Brad split. Then, I got irritated with myself for caring. Then, I remembered that it was okay to be sad, cause divorce is always sad.
58. Mmmmmmmsushi.
59. I never had a honeymoon.
60. I’m going to be a midwife someday.
61. My favorite season is Winter, but I get the most excited about Autumn, because it means that Winter is coming and I adore anticipation.
62. I believe in getting my hopes up, because that is sometimes all the fun. If what you are hoping for comes true, the hope practically fades away. But if what you are hoping for doesn’t come to pass, at least you had hope!
63. When magnets push away from each other, whatever that’s called, anyway, I dig that.
64. I love kaleidoscopes.
65. I’m still not over the fact that Drew and Natalie are married and not brother and sister. Well done, them, for pulling that one off for so long.
66. I’m still irritated with the waiter that said, “We call it spaghetti sauce here,” when I asked for extra marinara for our bread.
67. I saw Rob Base and DJ E.Z. Rock in concert when I was a sophomore in high school. (uhm, and mc hammer, too)

68. I don’t like that helper dog that pops up in word sometimes. If I want help, I’ll ask for help. Oh, and helper dog? Tell your dumb paperclip friend to go away, too.
69. Until last Sunday I’d forgotten just how good Dead Poets Society is. I’m ever so glad I remembered.
70. I drive a Kia and I love it. It was cheap, and I’ll probably have it for ten years. Hooray for cheap.
71. I have to make a conscious effort to not decorate exclusively in green.
72. I really enjoy using paper cutters. Really really.
73. I HATE watermelon.
74. I could spend a good hour shuffling cards. I don’t know why, but I just love shuffling cards.
75. Shanna just made the duck quack face thing with Pringles. Seriously, just now. (okay, that was not, technically about me, but it did happen next to me.)

76. I have a frog and a fish living happily on my kitchen counter, in a plant.
77. I can make several different types of jewelry, but I only wear simple wedding bands and some earrings from my husband.
78. I was very relieved to love the first martini that I ever ordered. I was so in love with the look of them, that I would have been devastated to discover that I didn’t like the taste of them. Yes, devastated.

79. I would wear black all of the time if, if, well, if something, I really don’t know why I don’t.
80. I hand paint my own Christmas cards. Lemme know if you want one next year.
81. I still remember the sound of Bill Wood clipping his nails during church. Snap. Snap. Snap.
82. There was actress on Knight Rider called Rebecca Lynn Holden. That was my maiden name and I always got a thrill when I saw that during the credits.
83. I. BIT. IT. At Clackamette Park last week trying to catch a frisbee. But until I hit the ground, I reeeeeaaaally thought I had it.
84. I’m terrified of birds.
85. I used to be so allergic to mosquito bites that I had to carry an epinephrine shot kit with me at all times. I grew out of it, thankfully.
86. I’m not generally a kid person, which has come as a great surprise to me in my old age; I had always thought I was.
87. When I was twelve the Frankenstein at Universal Studios scared me so bad that I nearly cried.
88. I’m quite a handyman. Yes, I said handyman. Specifying handywoman is not necessary, and it’s ridiculous.
89. I adore double-sided tape and I hope it never loses its appeal.
90. I make amazing sangria.
91. I rarely drink, although this list implies otherwise.
92. I saw a real live coast guard rescue two days ago. A real live lower a diver from a helicopter, rescue someone in a basket rescue. It was amazing and I’ll never forget it.
93. In grade four, I used to make fake nails by drying a puddle of Elmer’s glue overnight and then cutting them out and sticking them to my fingernails with spit.
94. I used to go stranger screaming with Shanna.
95. I believe that it is, in fact, hip to be square.
96. I always thought that the Levi company should have had a commercial where a hot woman pulls up next to a boy in jeans and says “excuse me, are those bugle boy jeans you’re wearing?” and the guy says, “no, they’re levis.” And the woman says, “get in….” It was soooo lame that she always drove away when he said they were bugle boys.
97. My first 45 was Africa by Toto, Janni Laine and I bought music the same day, she bought Valley Girl by Moon Unit Zappa.
98. Me and Shanna and Melissa Perkins hung out at Taco Bell too much in college. Not so much eating as just not being on campus.
99. I love the smell of a wood campfire.
100. See? I’m a real person, not just a bit. There’s a real person in here.

hope you enjoyed this glimpse into me.

arrivederci, rebecca marie