warning - the following post is not parenting advice
this one time i decided to get a new car. a cheap car. i wanted four doors and a trunk and a ten year warranty and i was going to buy whatever car had the deal du jour (i think there should be an apostrophe in that somewhere, like maybe du'jour or something but whatever i'm not french) and so i bought a kia spectra. because my entire goal was cheap, i did not opt for extras of any kind. therefore, the boy child had his first experience with crank 'em up crank 'em down windows. he was used to living in a world where the parents locked the controls from the front seat and only allowed the spawn to play with the buttons on days when tricking the spawn into believing they were magic seemed fun.
it was crankfest 2004. crankapalooza. cranktacular cranktagious crankalicious. it was the great cranking debacle of age six. it was the most annoying thing of ever.
so here is what i did. my mother was with me at the time, that is how little shame i have. i yelled to the backseat for the last time...
me - boy! roll your window up and leave it up and i am going to tell you why!
boy - (a bit scared by my tone) why?
me - the reason parents don't like their kids to roll down the windows is because sometimes, at red lights, when kids roll down the windows, bloody clowns come up to the car, reach in, yank out the kid and run off with the kid. and then the light turns green and the parents pull away and they don't even know that a bloody clown has stolen their kid.
grandmother - (laughing, shoulders shaking)
boy (look of terror not to be compared with any i've seen, ever) they do?
me - yes... look at grammie... she's so upset about it she's crying.
grandmother - boy, she's right, you'd better stop rolling down the window.
done and done. problem solved.
arrivederci, rebecca marie
i think the puking was payback
it was crankfest 2004. crankapalooza. cranktacular cranktagious crankalicious. it was the great cranking debacle of age six. it was the most annoying thing of ever.
so here is what i did. my mother was with me at the time, that is how little shame i have. i yelled to the backseat for the last time...
me - boy! roll your window up and leave it up and i am going to tell you why!
boy - (a bit scared by my tone) why?
me - the reason parents don't like their kids to roll down the windows is because sometimes, at red lights, when kids roll down the windows, bloody clowns come up to the car, reach in, yank out the kid and run off with the kid. and then the light turns green and the parents pull away and they don't even know that a bloody clown has stolen their kid.
grandmother - (laughing, shoulders shaking)
boy (look of terror not to be compared with any i've seen, ever) they do?
me - yes... look at grammie... she's so upset about it she's crying.
grandmother - boy, she's right, you'd better stop rolling down the window.
done and done. problem solved.
arrivederci, rebecca marie
i think the puking was payback
proclaimed by rebecca marie at 9:27 AM
11 flattering compliments:
Now THAT is the type of parent I aim to be! I LOVE IT! If I could roll around on my office floor from the laughter, I would be rolling.
Bloody clowns are freaking scary. Your drawing is freaking scary. The boy child will either:
a) go into therapy for such a story
b) tell his own kids such a story
c) all of the above
Great post, just wonderful!
That's why I don't go to the circus. I am scared to death of freaking bloody clowns.
That's pretty much it. You win. All other blogers can quit now. The fight has been long and hotly contested at times, but with this final knock-out blow, rebecca marie truly owns you all. Sorry, but it's the truth.
You are awesome. James is right, you win! I haven't laughed this hard at a post in I don't know when.
I am totally calling you every time I need parenting advice.
P.S. I love that your mom played along. My mother-in-law would nip that sort of thing in the bud. She would have no qualms telling my kid that I was lying to him to get him to do what I want. But she's a nice lady.
You are everything that is right about the internet.
oh. sweet. jebus.
I LOVE this story. I can't stop laughing... i have to go. I've just wet myself...
All these virtual high fives coming your way - you are all sick!
I know this really good kid therapist...
How do you come up with these things so quickly. It would never occur to me, not because I would be a good parent but because I'm not quick enough on my feet.
Also, I wish all parents were as funny as you.
Lori told me about this one the other day. She is right--you should win an award for this one.
Oh my gosh--that's hysterical!!
And I just might be willing to use that line on my kids if only they weren't so sensitive; they'd all be in tears, (and years down the road, i'd still be paying for their therapy!)
Thank you, I needed that guffaaaaw! In a bad, bad way.
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