mojo nixon is a liar, it's not elvis who is everywhere

I have this friend called Tom. I must be missing him lately, as this is the second time I’ve mentioned him here. Anyway. He’s a really handsome guy, and he’s got a bee-you-tee-full wife called Paula. I’ve only met Paula twice, but I know I totally dig her, probably because she’s nice but also because she’s Tom’s wife, and that makes her pretty good to me.

Brandon said that Paula looks like Maria Shriver. And by golly he was right! I almost didn’t want to write that here, as Paula is so much prettier than Maria Shriver. She’s more like a younger, softer, less angular Maria Shriver. But, that has nothing to do with this post, so I’ll move on.

Tom looks like everyone. No, that’s not right. Everyone looks like Tom. I don’t know if he knows this or not, but everywhere I go (okay, maybe more like three fourths of the places I go) I find myself blurting out, “hey, you’re Not Tom.” There are Not Toms all over the place! I don’t really understand this, but there it is.

Janni Laine said that there is a mysterious lack of Not Toms in Central Oregon. I was too busy being horrified by eleventy billion other things while I was in Central Oregon to be on the look out for Not Toms but I’ll be sure to watch for them next time I’m there.

In college, there was a fellow who was especially Not Tom. By especially Not Tom, I mean that Jim looked exactly like Tom. Exactly. It was creepy. Shifty even. So, Wade goes and he writes Jim a note in Mr. Way’s English class. It said; “Dear Jim, You look like Tom. Love Wade.” He folded it up and passed it along to Jim. Jim pretended to be a little confused when he opened it and read it but I know that deep down inside he got it.

I mean how could he not get it? Not Toms are everywhere!



arrivederci, rebecca marie