proof i don't make this crap up - or - weird stuff i wish i had pictures of

One of these times I’m gonna get me a camera to keep with me at all times. I’m going to call it my “you are never gonna believe” camera. So many times when I’m out and about I see something unfathomable and I’ve got no witnesses! This camera shall act as my witness. You are all going to be so lucky when my photo album is done and you get to see all of the things I can’t believe! Cause let me tell you. If I can’t believe it, then it’s bad.

Like the extremely heavy woman that I saw at the mall wearing a blazer, denim shorts, and a sports bra. Not charming, not attractive, but I so wish I had a picture so that I could enjoy it over and over.

Or the hobo that looks exactly like Jerry Garcia. You should all get to see him in my album. For real.

Or the time I saw the man in the car behind me doing the cabbage patch while driving. I’m sure the picture would have been blurry, through my rear windshield, and his front windshield, but you would have gotten the idea.

Or the time I saw a boy from the youth group I was in as a kid (if you know me, ask who it was, I’ll tell you) stand in the parking lot of the church and, not knowing I was behind him, reach into his pants, pull lint from his bum, and let it blow away in the wind. Why do I not have that captured forever on film?

Or how about the one armed stripper who works at the Beaver Inn on 82nd? Okay, I have to tell the truth here. I’ve never actually seen her. But I’ve heard of her and if she exsists, I’m bound to prove it for all of your viewing pleasure.

In the meantime I’m on the lookout, and I’ll let you all know when I’ve found her! Besides, I really want to see her work that pole. (note to self, video camera may be in order)



arrivederci, rebecca marie