my very own superiority
So, I’m right. I’m not thinking of something specific. Just making a statement in general. I am right. I don’t say this with undue pride or vanity at all. I’m just stating fact. Someone once said “If I’d wanted your opinion, I would have given it to you.” They are basically my hero, cause that’s pretty much how I feel.
To help you all out, I thought I’d take the time to rate some things. This is me being generous, just so that you know. My temptation is to just tell you all how you feel about things, for example; you are annoyed by people who wear navy blue and black together (unless they are woven together in the same fabric, of course). But, rather than tell you how you feel about things, I will rate some things for you. Most rating systems are quite subjective, and if I rate things for you, it will allow just a wee bit of your own opinion to remain in tact.
You should all memorize these things, as they are, in fact, how you feel about things, as I am right.
On a scale of one to ten… (see? generosity. I didn’t say THE scale, I said A scale. subjectivity, use it well)
Coffee – 2
Coffee with a lot of junk in it – 8.5
Stinky people – 3 (only because you can complain about them)
Seinfeld – 10
Mayonnaise – 0
Las Vegas – 12
Hamburgers - 4
Urban Legends – 9.5
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes – 10
Breaking up – minus 72
Bubbles – 6
Complaining – 8
Post-it Notes – 4
Candles – 8
Okay, there you have it. A basic guide to how you feel about things. I may create a more extensive list for you, if I have time. But pretty much, now you have a good start.
arrivederci, rebecca marie
To help you all out, I thought I’d take the time to rate some things. This is me being generous, just so that you know. My temptation is to just tell you all how you feel about things, for example; you are annoyed by people who wear navy blue and black together (unless they are woven together in the same fabric, of course). But, rather than tell you how you feel about things, I will rate some things for you. Most rating systems are quite subjective, and if I rate things for you, it will allow just a wee bit of your own opinion to remain in tact.
You should all memorize these things, as they are, in fact, how you feel about things, as I am right.
On a scale of one to ten… (see? generosity. I didn’t say THE scale, I said A scale. subjectivity, use it well)
Coffee – 2
Coffee with a lot of junk in it – 8.5
Stinky people – 3 (only because you can complain about them)
Seinfeld – 10
Mayonnaise – 0
Las Vegas – 12
Hamburgers - 4
Urban Legends – 9.5
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes – 10
Breaking up – minus 72
Bubbles – 6
Complaining – 8
Post-it Notes – 4
Candles – 8
Okay, there you have it. A basic guide to how you feel about things. I may create a more extensive list for you, if I have time. But pretty much, now you have a good start.
arrivederci, rebecca marie
proclaimed by rebecca marie at 9:05 AM
2 flattering compliments:
you are, in fact, right. which is why we get along so well, our collective rightness. so, in honor of the brilliance between us, I "humbly" submit my additions to your rating list, so that readers around the world can face each day with confidence and vigor, knowing that they have the necessary tools for proper living.
paper clips-5
credit cards: -22314
chocolate hazelnut milkshakes-10
my little pony- 7
lint rollers- 8
"men at work" signs-2
the word "uber"-7.2
high tops-3
cassette tapes-0.4
turkey baster-4
bamboo-11
bandaids-6
nylons-0
control top nylons-a billion
phonographs-3
karaoke-8
light up kids shoes-10
autographs-7.99
snow tires-5
paychecks-12
chalk-infinity
add to the list:
ME! - a quadrillion squared (on a scale of one to ten, of course)!
and move plain coffee without the junk up a bit on the scale, but only if it is REALLY good espresso (my husband is slowly making me a coffee snob. just. like. him.)
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