rebecca marie

stupid madonna is ruining my fun

2009-03-10T08:11:00.001-07:00

i'm mad at dumb old madonna.

if *I* was wearing these arm warmers in JANUARY...

and now *MADONNA* is wearing some...

does that mean that *I* have to stop?

washed up old madonna.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

a-ha! finally, i understand what's REALLY going on!

2008-10-09T08:31:00.001-07:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

on to victory urge the heroes...

2008-08-26T15:17:00.001-07:00

of our mighty OREGON!

opening weekend is in five days!

can i get a "what? what?"

arrivederci,

rebecca marie

another reason i hate summer

2008-07-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

you know how some people are so allergic to bees that they have to carry an epinephrine shot kit around with them? well that's how i used to be with mosquitoes. i THOUGHT i had outgrown that allergy... i think mayhap it's a commin' back.

check out my paw.

first i'll show you a side by side of my normal wrinkly old hand and my mosquito bitten hand.

then, i'll show you a positively disgusting one of me trying to make a fist to punch whoever says summer evenings outside with the fam are great.

(not really, you know me... 1) i'd never punch anyone. ever. 2) any evening hanging out with the mister and the spawn is fantastic.)

i think maybe i should go to the doctor.

arrivederci,
rebecca marie

it's friday it's friday

2008-06-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

are you a boy or a girl? and if you KNOW for sure, do you take that knowledge for granted?

2008-06-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

this is a video created by my cousin-in-law, melissa harrington wolf. it is about the journey taken by her husband, my cousin colin. my cousin colin, who as a little six year old girl called colleen would pray to God that she would wake up tomorrow with a penis. she would tell God that if she could try the penis out for just one day, she would give it back the next day (all while planning to trick God, and keep the penis, because she knew that it was right. that she should have been born with one to begin with). i love my cousin and i accept him unconditionally.

i share this because i love him, and i think that lack of information is the greatest creator of fear other than the devil himself. i realize that i have a conservative readership, but i trust you all to respond with kindness and not cruelty.

enjoy this beautiful photographic journey.

arrviderci, rebecca marie

rock the vote. don't forget to drop off your ballot by tuesday (if you're an oregonian).

2008-05-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

why being a girl is sometimes not 100% awesome

2008-05-05T15:48:00.001-07:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

from 2 lbs to 18 in ten weeks flat

2008-03-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

i. love. daisy.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

hi! hi! hi! hi! hi!

2008-03-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

NO FOOD IN THE BATHROOM GARBAGE!

2008-03-08T17:44:00.000-08:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

sugar coated draisins: better than fraisins

2008-03-06T21:04:00.000-08:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

yesssss

2008-02-27T18:56:00.000-08:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

we were meant for this ladies

2008-02-05T08:40:00.001-08:00

we can do it. we were built for it. it shouldn't be traumatic. of course, sometimes everthing doesn't go perfectly, but we need to stop selling ourselves short. we need to stop blindly believing everything that western medicine tells us and go back to the basics of our fearfully and wonderfully made bodies. don't go in asking for drugs. let your mind and spirit listen to your body. your body will do what it is supposed to do.

and if your body doesn't cooperate, then we can praise the lord that there are people smart enough to have figured out other methods (drugs and surgeries). but don't go into a natural experience planning on unnatural intervention.

this woman is my hero.

(this is not graphic... it's just a video of how she chose to manage labor)

arrivederci, rebecca marie

daisy

2008-01-30T07:07:00.000-08:00

i got a dog and her name is daisy and she's black and everything. she is TINY. we got her a week ago when she was only five weeks old because her mommy stopped nursing her. her mommy is a chocolate lab and her daddy is a rotweiller. she is comprised of awesome. last thursday when i took her to the doctor she only weighed 2.1 pounds. oh heck yes. miniature big dog.

i love her. i love her so hard. which is super awesome because i hate dogs. daisy rocks the house though. she makes me so happy. and she goes potty outside so good that she gets an a+ in going potty. she is the valedictorian of potty.

and she still has puppy breath and she is superior to every other dog.

and this is her sitting on the he-spawns lap on the way home for the first time,

and this is her and the she-spawn,

and this is her in the corner of the couch and she is not in trouble even though her face looks kind of sad. she just looks kind of sad because i wasn't holding her at that exact moment,

and you should come visit her. for reals. i want her to meet lots of people and other dogs right away so that she stays awesome.

i. love. daisy.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

recently overheard at my house

2008-01-30T06:29:00.000-08:00

the mister - (directed at the ps3) oh my.... MOSES!

the she-spawn - (angrily) do not say Gods name in vain!

the mister - i didn't. i said "moses."

the she-spawn - (invoking the wrath of God) DO NOT TAKE THE NAMES OF GODS FRIENDS IN VAIN!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

sweet child o' mine

2007-12-31T16:43:00.000-08:00

no, really... that was a double entendre.

here's part of the first verse...

here's part of the chorus...

'nuff said.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

conversation that just happened

2007-12-06T08:17:00.000-08:00

she-spawn - mommy, why do you like coffee so much?

me - (in a very dramatic voice) because it is the elixir of life.

she-spawn - (shaking her head gravely) no it isn't...

me - then what is?

she-spawn - God.

'nuff said.

(this is way different than the conversation that happened two nights ago, which was equally awesome for very different reasons)

she-spawn - mommy, why do you wear two bras when you exercise?

me - 'cause i've got HUGE knockers.

she-spawn - (said with uncanny joey tribianni inflection) YEAH YOU DO!

she makes my heart sing.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

all the world is a stage

2007-12-03T08:37:00.001-08:00

i have nothing to say here. i mean it. i felt like writing up one of these here blog posts, but i'm bone dry. do you guys think that if i keep typing i'll eventually think of something to say? cause i seriously doubt it.

i'll tell you about my office. i have an office, for reals. it is in a closet. it has a table and shelves and a light and a phone and a clock and a bulletin board and a radio and a rubix cube and a roll of toilet paper and a calendar and a computer and everything. just like a real office only it's in a closet. that's because i make good use of space. fo sho.

also i can tell you about my delicious cheese ball that i make for the holildays. it is so good. you can set it out and let it get slightly warmer than it was in the fridge and then you can spread it on a cracker. and i'm not going ot tell you what is in it because then you would all like, make it and stuff, and then it wouldn't be my cheese ball anymore. plus? you know what else? who doesn't like to say "cheese ball." cheese ball is fun to say.

so i was netflixin' it up, hard core. watching the first season of heroes on "watch it now." it is basically awesome. but here's what happened. i ran out of minutes or hours or whatever. so i had to upgrade my netflix plan in order to finish season one. this is what i mean when i say that i have impulse control issues. that sums it up right there.

welp. there you have it.

and here for your viewing pleasure is the she-spawn. she's all like, in ballet and stuff. some might call her perfection.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

i wish i knew these people

2007-11-29T08:26:00.000-08:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

pictures guaranteed to amaze and astound you

2007-11-26T08:43:00.000-08:00

so this is a thingy by my house (hey, you can call that number and find out where it is and if you wanted to stalk me you'd be REALLY warm if we were playing the "warmer.... colder...." game.) and it says this and everything. awesome.

and this is this kid called sang who me and my friend shanna (this is me and shanna)

(do you like my double chin? do you looooove it?)

(let's face it, from that angle, it's a full double face. yessss. double face.)

(anyway)

this is this kid called sang who me and my friend shanna called peter cause he was catholic and that's the name he got when he got baptised and stuff and anyway i useta haveta take him to school and this is him. this is how he looked everyday in the car and it was awesome too and so you should see it.

you just can't make this stuff up. and also sang used to live with shanna but he doesn't anymore because now he lives in china and wook lives with shanna now. shanna sometimes calls wook "luke," and i sometimes call wook "roy."

arreviderci, rebecca marie

please don't read my blog, jon voight

2007-11-18T20:18:00.000-08:00

i was just watching national treasure (national treasure deaux is almost here can i get a "what? what?") and i realized that there are some actors who creep me out just by looking at them and it doesn't really matter what they are doing because they are just plain creepy and not in a "you're super cool creepy" way like christopher walken and one of those people who is just plain creepy is jon voight.

jon voight, if you are reading this blog please don't. cause you sincerely creep me out.

for reals.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

the really really real reason that the ducks are comprised of awesome

2007-11-05T09:31:00.001-08:00

so the ducks are all like awesome and stuff and have some sincerely boss fooooosball skillz. the game on saturday was the most fun i've ever had in thirteen years of doing it up autzen style.

but here is the real reason why the ducks are my number one team.

story number one:

a few weeks back, i muscled the he-spawn up to jonathan stewart (oh heck yes, i said jonathan stewart) and he signed an autograph for the wee feller. then i took this here picture. but what makes it awesome is how many times jonathan patted my boy on the mellon and said "praise jesus man, praise the lord, dude, jesus is number one."

right. on.

story bee (can i get a check jerry seinfeld?):

on saturday i muscled my boy through the crowd formed around kwame agyeman (i should say here, that at this point in both stories, the mister says to me he goes, "he's never gonna get up there," and i said to the mister, "oh yeah? watch me.") and i said to kwame, "hey, could i take a picture of you with my son (i actually said "son," i know... wierd)?" and he says to me he goes, "sure." so i say, "boy, go stand right next to him, and i'll take your picture while he keeps signing autographs." and kwame looks up and says, "no, hang on." then he finishes the autograph he's on, takes off his hemet and hunkers down next to the he-spawn and full on poses with my boy.

basically. awesome.

i'm telling you. be nice to my kid? i'll love you forever. oh. heck. yes.

other parents, can i get an amen?

arrivederci,
rebecca marie

jesus for king '08

i'm a disgusting piece of woman meat.

2007-10-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

in thirty-four years on this planet, i've had two hickeys. or is it hickies? see, i don't even know. one the mister planted on my neck when we were dating, as a JOKE, not knowing how QUICK they happened. he was horrifed, i was humiliated, it's not happened again.

so imagine my horror when he says to me yesterday, "oh my word, did i do that?"

"what?" i say

"on your neck...." he says

"WHAT ON MY NECK???" i yell, panicking...

"that hickey."

so he takes a picture with my phone (cause it was handy, you know).

yes ladies and gentlemen... i went to tlc with a hickey on the back of my neck. cause apparently, i'm just that classy.

shut up... at least we've still got it, right? right???

arrivederci,
rebecca marie

p.s. mourn with me, i've just lost the mister and the he-spawn to guitar hero 3

how have we regressed so far?

2007-10-16T19:32:00.000-07:00

this is from 1977

do it or don't it's your baby's brain development, bonding, etc. at risk, not mine. but for goodness sake, be supportive of those who choose to.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

everything that's right about music and videos

2007-09-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

give this your full attention. it deserves it.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

incest is NOT best, do NOT put your cousin to the test

2007-08-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

so this one time i totally used to work at dunkin' donuts. for reals. and the smell clings to you, but that's not what i'm here to tell you about.

this one guy named jason used to come in with his weird friend whose name i don't remember and he used to come in right after he went shopping at al's records. al's records was this sincerely awesome used record store where you could buy like, the coolest stacks of wax. it was a sad day when al's closed. but i'm not here to tell you about al's, either.

so jason used to come in and show me like, yaz albums and echo and the bunnymen albums and super awesome stuff like that and me and him we'd talk about how it was sad that people considered duran duran to be alternative when the violent femmes and cake were where it was at. jason was a pretty cool dude and i liked him and everything. i just didn't like the trench coat and the boot chain and the pores that you could keep your spare change in. other than that he was a little bit of alright.

so then i didn't work at dunkin' donuts anymore and so i didn't see jason anymore cause even though he was a major flirt i didn't like, have his number or anything (you know, because of the trench coat and the boot chain and the pores) and instead of dunkin' donuts i worked at plush pippen at the mall. oh heck yes, french silk pie.

so this one time jason and his weird friend whose name i don't remember come up to plush pippen to order a soda and me and jason are all like "hey! it's so good to see you! what have you been up to?" and all that kind of yackety chat. well it turns out that jason and his weird friend whose name i don't remember were all like, taking the bus, hard core, so i volunteered to give them a ride home and everything since jason lived so close to me. and he totally asked for my phone number. totally.

and i gave it to him and here's why. he was the nicest guy. i was really hoping to be able to get over the trench coat and the boot chain and the pores but after hours and hours of phone conversations and one "let's meet up for coffee," type thing, i decided that the trench coat, boot chain and pores did not add up to three. they created a synergy (you know... where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts?) that i just could not get past. so i did what any mature fifteen year old girl does. i started avoiding his calls.

so one day, janni laine totally answers the phone and it's jason and he thinks it's me for a bit, and by the time janni laine is able to tell him it's her, they have already had a few laughs so they keep talking. and so like an hour later, janni laine says to me, "jason seems really nice, would it bother you if i met him for coffee?" and i'm all like, "no."

but here is the thing. i didn't warn her about the trinity. i didn't want to be mean about a really nice guy, cause really, maybe giant pores are a turn on for janni laine.

it turns out they are not. janni laine comes home and she's all like, "between the trench coat and the boot chain and the quarter sized pores, i couldn't even remember that he is so nice and funny. all i saw was greeeeze."

and so from then on, he was known as greasy jason.

so then, like two years later my mom is talking to her cousin brice that she hadn't seen since she was a teenager and brice is all like, "so my son has been living in portland for a few years and i'm so totally gonna give him your number." and my mom was all like, "awesome."

so a few days later, brice's son calls and i answer it and i bet you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that it was GREASY JASON.

yeah that's right. me and janni laine were thiiiiis close to dating and potentially marrying and having two headed babies with our cousin.

oh heck yes.

arrivederci,
rebecca marie

bet you wish i was your mom

2007-04-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

so last night, me and the mister were watching a moving picture show on the glowing box and the she-spawn wouldn't go to sleep. so me and the mister were all like "listen to the he-spawn's ipod while you lay on the couch." you know... so that mayhap she'd go nuh-night and the mister could carry her up to her bed.

so anyway she was wearing only her grunders and a bathing suit over them (cause she's awesome like that, and she had decided that those would make good pyjamas), and she suddenly gets up and takes off the bathing suit and lays back down. then the conversation went like this.

she-spawn - (yelling) these underwear are so tight that they are making a red wrinkle!

me - then take them off and go put on different ones.

she-spawn - (pulling out ipod speakers [i can't say "earbuds," sick.]) what did you say mommy?

me - i said... that is a wish wrinkle! touch it and make a wish.

she-spawn - you mean like, "i wish fergus was back?"

me - no, he's in heaven and he is happy there.

she then placed her hand on her wish wrinkle and closed her eyes and reverently wished her wish.

dang, being a mom is awesome.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

chock full of salty goodness

2007-03-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

in case you were wondering...

2007-03-14T12:26:00.000-07:00

deoxyribonucleic acid, can i get a what what?

2007-02-13T17:11:00.000-08:00

i seriously think maybe i'm dannilynn's father. for reals.

c'mon... sing along! we all know the words!

2007-02-05T19:03:00.000-08:00

that's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes an aeroplane and lenny bruce is not afraid... du du duh do do dooo listen to yourself churn. muh muh dooo doo duh du du ma ma ma breathing down. your. neck. blah blah blah du du do uh oh overflow do do do do buh bow save yourself save yourself mana mana duh duh do you vitriotic patriotic do do muh muh muh it's the end of the world as we know it and i feel fine.

six o'clock tee vee hour muna muna bum bum bum listen to yourself churn nuh nuh nuh book burn muh muh mah loo loo loo step down step down hoo hoo nuh nuh nuh doo doo doo a tournament a tournament a tournament of lies. blah blah muh muh doo doo dum dum dum alternatives and i. decline. it's the end of the world as we know it, and i feel fine.

the other night sumthin sumthin duh duh duh hoo hoo hoo neener neener

LEONARD BERSTEIN!!!

duh duh do do blah blah muh maw muh you symbiotic patriotic slam doo doo right? right! it's the end of the world as we know it, and i feel fine!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

one of those days

2007-01-18T11:14:00.000-08:00

you know how sometimes your kid won't stop asking for graham crackers even after you've said "no" like a billion times and you are afraid that the next time she asks for graham crackers your head is going to explode?

i hate those days.

alright already... i admit it.

2007-01-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

so what if i do look like bette midler? whatever. more importantly... when are my parents going to finally sit me down and tell me i'm adopted? i am CLEARLY asian, and not italian, and they need to finally admit it. just look at the proof...

i ran three completely random pictures that i had on my computer through my heritage. now, while it is obvious that the program just finds pictures that have celebrities facing the camera at the same angle as the picture you submit, it is interesting how much some of the pictures look like mine. like the bette midler one, and surprisingly, the john cusack one. yeah, he's totally my brother, for reals.

but i am so totally asian. i am asian so hard. just look at the proof!

okay, so you can't look at the proof anymore, cause it like, expired and stuff. but whatever.

no wonder i'm so good with chopsticks, for real!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

i said, "hey! what's going on?"

2007-01-01T01:13:00.000-08:00

happy new year!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

mighty oregon

2006-12-21T13:00:00.000-08:00

so you guys know how i lurve to make and decorate sugar cookies, right?

well this year, in honor of tonights bowl game, i dorked it up hard core and made oregon cookies, too!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

there's this one guy i don't like

2006-12-15T16:03:00.000-08:00

so you guys know how i don't like christmas (i almost said "so you guys know how i hate christmas?" but i decided that hate is a very strong word)? i hate that it's about get get get (i know, some of us aren't like that...), and how you like, decorate the house and then the kids get yelled at for touching all of the fun pretty stuff. and how people over spend and eat too much all while being grouchy with strangers. i could go on and on, just ask janni laine or the mister, they know my drill. i realize these are generalizations, but i'm sure you all get what i'm saying, even a little, so please no hate comments, i'm fragile and i might delete them.

anyway, so there's this guy i don't like. wanna know why? well, he sits at a market close to me every year and collects for the salvation army. that's fine. i think that the army is doing a pretty awesome job at teaching people about how to love jesus, so it's great that he is getting fundage for them and stuff. it's the way he is a complete and total liar jerk that makes me so mad.

here is the deal ee oh. i used to work with this guy, jim. jim is a righteous cat, he's all like, in the army and stuff (the real army, not the salvation one), and he's nice and everything. he totally befriended this salvation army money collector dude and i usta see him all, buying him coffee and stuff. see, there was this coffee stand at the market, you know, the one where said jerk is now collecting dough, and i would walk by on my way to buy, you know, apples and tampons and what-not, and i'd see jim talking to the m.c. (money collector). so the m.c. is in a wheelchair, i don't know if i told you that. well anyway, he's handicapped, or differently abled or whatever and i'm going to start a new paragraph now, even though it's not really time, but just because i already gave you all a brutal run on sentence and i'm not going to compound it with a run on paragraph, too.

so anyway, i would walk by jim and the m.c. they would be having these nice conversations, and everyone was clearly understood. the reason i specify that everyone was clearly understood is because the m.c. is speech impaired. i completely agree that that must suck. his legs don't work, and his speech is slightly slurred. that makes jim's relationship with him even nicer. a lot of people have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to disabililty (i have a zero tolerance policy for those people, by the way, they suck and they'll probably end up disabled just to spite themselves). but let me repeat... his speech is slightly slurred. completely understandable.

(ladies and gentlemen... it is all an emphasis thing. i have a zero tolerance policy for the people who have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to disability. NOT... "i have a zero tolerance policy for the disabled.")

that's why i don't like him. switch to christmas time, and suddenly, when he is ringing his salvation army bell, his speech is almost entirely unintelligible. that is not right dude. that is not right even a little. you insult me by pretending to be desperate and pathetic when you are neither. i used to respect you, cause i'd see you cruisin' down JCB waving at your friends on the way to get some coffee. i thought you were so cool for getting out there and making friends when if i were in your situation i'd likely be trying to get people to feel sorry for me.

well you know what? you suck. you suck for trying to make people pity you and therefore guilt them into giving more money. i'm not going to say "merry christmas," to you when you say "meeeeee kimuh.... haay houeee....." to me. i'm not going to say it so hard.

and that is why i don't like that one guy. or christmas.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

ladies and gentlemen... introducing...

2006-11-27T08:43:00.000-08:00

ROGER!

born september the 20th, 2006 at 4:00 a.m.

apparently, i needed another kitty to heal my heart. i thought i would at least wait until after the new year, but waiting wasn't in the stars, as it turns out. i was looking at craigslist, and this little feller needed a home and free is a very good price.

i'm not particular about

READERS! WE INTERUPT YOUR BLOG READING FOR A VERY IMPORTANT SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT:

IT IS TIME TO THROW AWAY YOUR PUMPKINS. I REPEAT. IT IS TIME TO THROW AWAY YOUR PUMPKINS! HALLOWEEN IS OVER.

NOW RETURNING TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG.

breed of cat, so it's very easy for me to choose. dog... different story. i'm very particular about dogs, but a cat, man... any little furball that will pur for me melts my heart.

so, our family is whole again. hooray for little wobbly furballs!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

fergus the magical mystery cat

2006-11-21T11:33:00.001-08:00

may the 18th, 2006 - november the 21st, 2006

have a blast man, have a blast at the all you can eat oatmeal and dried apricot buffet in the sky.

i love you. i'll see you in heaven.

Revalation 5:13

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!"

Acts 3:21

He must remain in heaven until the time comes for God to restore everything, as he promised long ago through his holy prophets.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

thiz iz allz i gotz to say

2006-11-16T10:47:00.000-08:00

i hate it when people talk like that. aNd LiKe tHIs, ToO.

but anyway.

i don't have anything to say, i really don't. so i figgered i'd just type (or keyboard, since that's what all the kidZ are calling it theze dayz) some words and then hit "go." ya'll can read the words or you can just go on with your day, next-bloggin' it hard core.

i'm still not a functioning human. i can't seem to talk to anyone. i don't call... i don't message... i don't return emails. it's pretty not normal for me, either that or it is the new me altogether and i'm incurable. i dunno. luckily, i don't really care right now so it all works out. don't go all thinking that i don't care about YOU... i so totally do. it's just that i don't care that i'm broken, if that makes any sense to you at all. a few months ago, i said to my seester and my friend that i just wanted the not-caring part to come and it appears that it is here. now that it is here, i don't care enough to figure out if it is a good thing or a bad thing. meh.

i think you should all go out and watch the indian in the cupboard. or, stay in and rent it, as it left the cinema around 1995. i just watched it and it was a wonderful movie about how to treat people. i totally dug it. i'm not even kidding. i could suggest more entertaining movies, that i also loved, such as rushmore, or eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, or dirty rotten scoundrels, or the royal tennenbaums, or, real women have curves, or something, but i think you would all benefit more from the indian in the cupboard. yeah yeah yeah, eternal sunshine finally answered whether or not it is better to know and have the pain or not know and be numb, and dirty rotten scoundrels taught us not to pee at the dinner table, and real women have curves taught us that ugly "that time of the month pants" are hot chonies, too... but today i'm recommending a movie that will remind us of how to treat each other. so go watch it, and be good people. then go gambling at one of my people's casinos.

unrelated to the previous unrelated paragraphZ, i'd like to say that i have an unhealthy addiction to celebrity gossip. and i can't say that i am altogether ashamed. i'm not a big fan of rachel ray, but for some reason i like reading the most assuredly false story about her husband paying some hooker twenty bucks to spit on him. that is pure entertainment. so is the rude poem that the "artist" formerly known as britney's mister allegedly wrote on his shower door. good times, good times.

i leave you with a collage of me in my basically awesome track jacket that i got at ross for three dollars american. it it very versatile, as you can see. it can be worn for many activities such as drinking coffee, reading, taking lame pictures of yourself in the mirror, knitting blankets for TANK, yawning, pointing at the jacket itself, giving the thumbs-up, making turkey faces and looking hot in general. awesome. i bet i could even think of a bunch of other things to do in it, if i wanted to... like, wiggle it... just a little bit, or ride a bicycle or make toast even.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. toldja my pinkies were crooked.

uhm... no drawing for this one, i don't do porn

2006-11-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

so the she-spawn is way too smart for words like "front-bottom," or "cootchie." she just is, fact. she refers to her junk as her labia (if you don't know specifically which part of a female is the labia, just look it up, clearly your mom didn't do her job).

at some point in the last few days she has gotten one letter off. she now refers to it as her ladia.

awesome.

so is it any surprise to me that at dinner last night she announced to the he-spawn and the mister that she and i have a ladia and that they have a menia?

quadruple awesome.

she rocks my world.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

mmmmfood

2006-10-30T09:43:00.000-08:00

so generally at least once a day i like to eat some food. me and shanna and the girl went out and had some chow together on saturday. it was delicious and nutritious and i took some pictures.

here is shanna eating:

here is me eating:

here is the girl spawn eating:

and finally, here is me washing it all down with a refreshing glass of iced tea:

oh man, we are the hotness.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

love and hate

2006-10-25T09:20:00.000-07:00

i hate it when i really want coffee, so i make coffee but while the coffee is brewing i decide to eat an apple. then, the coffee gets done and i realize that i don't want it anymore. i hate that.

however...

i love it when me and the mister take the spawn to eat chinese food, and when after much deliberation the boy settles on pork noodle soup me and the mister begin to tease him about what is in pork noodle soup. i tell him that it is basically spaghetti noodles and then they pee in the bowl and then add some pork and onions and if it's a real real classy place, half a hard boiled egg all sliced up. and so then i tell him that if they say "do you want special sauce?" he should right away say, "NO!" and then the girl says real real loud for everyone in the place to hear, "JUST ASK THEM FOR A BOWL OF SPAGHETTI WITH NO PEE IN IT." i love that.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

phriday photo phun

2006-10-20T11:24:00.000-07:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

it should be free,

2006-10-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

but with an extensive screening process to weed out the unworthy.

i have room in my home, food in my cupboard, a supportive extended family, a diverse and accepting social group, a church circle that acts like jesus, an unquenched and almost painful thirst for more children and most of all, enough love in my heart.

what i lack is thousands of dollars. and that's how much i would need to do this.

and i think that is a huge part of what is wrong with this world.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

estrogen free america

2006-10-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

here's a little poem i wrote for you:

later and later are my moon phases
a black whisker grows from my chin
the periods aren't any lighter
major discomfort i am in

i used to sleep under blankets galore
now it's night sweats and naught but chonies
my cicilian greeeeez has made way for dry skin
and something that rhymes with chonies

i seem to be estrogen heavy
according to all that i read
at least if i'm right in what i assume
less years than most will i bleed

i asked the doctor to confirm my suspicion
while she froze off the mole on my neck
it's true it's true, young age aside
she said "you're in pre-menopause, beck!"

oh my word, that is the most beautiful poem of ever! i can't believe i just wrote that. dang. i need a kleenex. at least i'm going to be a hot old lady. and no, i don't mean from the hot flashes.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

warning - the following post is not parenting advice

2006-10-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

this one time i decided to get a new car. a cheap car. i wanted four doors and a trunk and a ten year warranty and i was going to buy whatever car had the deal du jour (i think there should be an apostrophe in that somewhere, like maybe du'jour or something but whatever i'm not french) and so i bought a kia spectra. because my entire goal was cheap, i did not opt for extras of any kind. therefore, the boy child had his first experience with crank 'em up crank 'em down windows. he was used to living in a world where the parents locked the controls from the front seat and only allowed the spawn to play with the buttons on days when tricking the spawn into believing they were magic seemed fun.

it was crankfest 2004. crankapalooza. cranktacular cranktagious crankalicious. it was the great cranking debacle of age six. it was the most annoying thing of ever.

so here is what i did. my mother was with me at the time, that is how little shame i have. i yelled to the backseat for the last time...

me - boy! roll your window up and leave it up and i am going to tell you why!

boy - (a bit scared by my tone) why?

me - the reason parents don't like their kids to roll down the windows is because sometimes, at red lights, when kids roll down the windows, bloody clowns come up to the car, reach in, yank out the kid and run off with the kid. and then the light turns green and the parents pull away and they don't even know that a bloody clown has stolen their kid.

grandmother - (laughing, shoulders shaking)

boy (look of terror not to be compared with any i've seen, ever) they do?

me - yes... look at grammie... she's so upset about it she's crying.

grandmother - boy, she's right, you'd better stop rolling down the window.

done and done. problem solved.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

i think the puking was payback

dear boy child

2006-10-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

was the nine months of pregnancy comprised of the following:

TWENTY weeks of non-stop hiccups
heartburn
stretch marks from the pubic region (yes, i said pubic) to the rib cage
all day (not morning) sickness for all nine months
toxemia
preeclampsia
blood pressure at 189/101
throwing up through all 23 hours of labour
an emergency cesarian
three blood transfusions

not enough for you?

why did you have to successfully complete the worlds splashiest technicolour yawn from your top bunk last night?

no, you do not get extra points for hitting the pile of legos on the floor. nor do you get extra points for having consumed sausage, hashbrowns and a cucumber during the day.

sometimes, rubber gloves are not quite enough to keep me from toppling over the brink of sanity.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. on an unrelated note... can we all make a pact to not take too many drugs and then try to fix the damage with bad plastic surgery? oh mickey, you're not so fine, but you absolutely blow my mind.

sandra, OH!

2006-09-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

one of the most beautiful actresses to come onto the scene ever is sandra oh. someone just made my entire thirty-fourth year of life (which says a lot considering my thirty-third birthday was only on september the third). wanna see the most flattering thing of ever? you do? well then, you'll have to click here.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

listen up, whiners!

2006-09-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

there are bad calls in sports. every game. there has not been a perfect, justly officiated game, in any sport... ever.

am i glad that the ducks won? heck yes, ya'll. was it the most fun i've had at a game since they beat the longhorns in san diego? absolutely. do i find it annoying when people ask rhetorical questions and immediately follow with an answer? who doesn't.

but the fact remains... the last three minutes of the game cannot be replayed. who's to say if the officials had ruled differently, that oklahoma wouldn't have fumbled the snap leading oregon to run the ball into the endzone and still win? why didn't oklahoma's kicker kick that ball three inches higher, making it unblockable? and why is it only the end of the game calls that are so controversial? what about all of the missed pass interference calls? or the uncalled holding or blocks in the back? some went oregon's way that shouldn't have, some went oklahoma's.

there are real men officiating these games. we all have a bad day at work. period. i do not buy into that garbage about officials rigging games. i'm sure it happens sometimes, but i don't think that it's the rule. for every call that goes our way, there is one that doesn't. just like in life.

bottom line. there are bad calls every game, all the time. like i said, i'm glad oregon won. but let us have our victory, let us remember that we beat oklahoma ONE IN SIX TIMES, not that there were some controversial calls. oklahoma can have the other FIVE times. including the bowl victory.

but folks, this... this should never happen.

still on my saturday, high... rebecca marie

p.s. i had the most fun tailgating with loo and bsc. it was wonderfully weird meeting people for the first time and feeling like i'd known them forever. come back soon, unless you hate us, you know... since we won. can't we all just get along?

clearly i am it

2006-09-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

i got tagged by two lewiseseses to do this so i suppose i had better. everyone is doing what the lewises say. they are trendsetters, oh heck yes.

a book that changed my life besides the bible:
coincidentally, the poisonwood bible by barbara kingsolver.

a book i have read more than once:
the outlander series by diana gabaldon. the bloody jacobite uprising for the fellas, heaving bosom romance for the ladies, time travel for the sci-fi fans, naturopathy for the hippies, what's not to like? besides, who doesn't love a good highlander?

a book i would take with me if i were stuck on a desert island:
besides the go tos (bible, dictionary...), i'll have to reuse my previous answer and say the outlander series (yes, in my world a series counts as one). they are so meaty and cover so many things that you really could just keep on starting at thebeginningg.

a book that made me laugh:
the entire lemony snicket series, but especially the unauthorized autobiography.

a book that i wish had been written:
funny, i've been misreading this as "a book i wish i'd written" in which case i was going to joke that i wish i'd written a million little pieces. i haven't read it, but who couldn't stand a little bit of controversy? then i would have said the harry potter books, cause you know... she's loaded. now that i know what it says, i'm going to have to say that i wish, oh man... i'm typing as i think, this is hard, i really don't know. just when i think every story has been told, someone comes up with something brilliant. i wish there had been a book written that was so specific to my sense of humour that i could just read it and laugh and laugh and laugh. i'm a fan of the funny.

a book that i wish had never been written:
what was that one with the cheater woman? bridges of madison county. i hated that book. i get that infidelity happens, i get that it happens to real people. real people that i know. and that they have to live with their consequences forever, but i wish that women all over the country hadn't loved that story so much. what that woman did was not okay. i might have even been happy with it if she had confessed to her husband and he'd forgiven her, but to live your whole life with that secret and then make your kids bear theburdenn of the truth after you die is sick. i never saw the movie, people said it was good, but the book was so horrifying to me that i will never see the movie.

a book i have been meaning to read:
the bible. no really. i've read a lot of it, perhaps even all of it, at one time or another. but i'd really like to read it all the way through. like a story.

i'm currently reading:
four to score by janet evonovich, the secret garden by frances hodgsen burnett, the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime by mark haddon

okay... now practically everyone that i know has been tagged so we'll just say this... if you wanna do it, great. leave a comment so i know you did though, kay?

arrivederci, rebecca marie

it's the most wonderful time of the year

2006-09-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

no i do not mean back to school. i mean football, oh heck yes.

i don't know if you know this or not, but i am a college football fan. the oregon ducks, specifically. they rocked the house so hard last saturday, it was all the awesome. let's just say that the score was a lot to not very many. a good time was had by all (well, not by the stanford fans, but whatever).

also, instead of trying to make this a funny post like i used to, i'm just going to tell you a bunch of stuff all in one sort of boring post. i mean, let me take a moment to quickly fill you in my very exciting life.

first of all, i am now on drugs. i told the doctor all of my everything and as it turns out, it's not depression, it is anxiety. which made a LOT of sense. so like when i shout at the kids (when they are playing loudly even though they aren't being naughty) that they are making me crazy, they are actually making me crazy. the noise is literally making me anxious and nervous. but, a lot of the symptoms of anxiety match those of depression, so when i was researching and trying to figure myself out, i assumed it was depression.

it's very odd for a person who has rarely experienced stress or nervousness of any kind to suddenly be faced with it. no wonder i had no idea how to deal with it! my doctor is very anti-meds, so that made me happy right away. i know she will not prescribe a cocktail of happy pills unless it will really benefit the skewed chemicals in my body. right on, doctor progressive, right on. so a happier, less hostile and yellie me is forthcoming.

finally, fergus is back! the most awesome cat of ever is back! my most amazing family staged a kitty intervention on my behalf. when i couldn't stop crying over losing him (which was not normal for me) they knew they needed to intervene. they went to the pet store (pet stores are from the devil, i never should have gone against my personal policy of animal rescue only) and bought him back. they said, basically, "do whatever it takes to make him healthy, but do NOT sell him to anyone else, you guys suck for selling him to her in the first place and you WILL make him better."

so for fifteen days they fed him some super weight builder kitty food and got him fat enough to medicate. he was seriously bad off. someone actually lost her job over the initial sale of him. she was told not to take him in to be sold (she did it anyway) then she was told to keep him off the sales floor until he was healthy (she sold him to me). so i don't feel bad that she lost her job, it was a form of animal cruelty to allow him to be sold to people uninformed about the poor condition of his health. so anyway, long story not as long as it could be, fergus is back thanks to my awesome family, and he is just as sweet as he was before, only this time he doesn't sleep as much, since he's no longer dying.

okay, i'll be done now. sorry i didn't give you anything to laugh at. oh wait, here;

how do you kill a circus? you go for the juggler.

there. now everyone is happy. oh, here's a drawing, too.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. this conversation just happened at the store (janni laine is my witness and everything, not that i could make this up, it's just too good):

me: i hate that woman (the one who got mad at me for "taking her cart")...
(big pause)
me: with the love of jesus, of course.
girl child: that makes baby jesus cry.
me: what i just said?
girl child: no... what that lady did.

update update update!

2006-08-28T12:40:00.000-07:00

my computer has been resurrected!

i lost everything. no... literaly, everything. nothing that previously existed is there. i don't mean that i lost say, my resume. i lost word and every document created in word. i lost every photograph and four photo editing programs. i lost itunes and windows media player and every song in them. shall i continue or have i said enough that you are already grieving with me?

the one silver lining on this tremendous cloud is that because my friend john has doubled my memory like four times, i now have the fastest internet machine in the entire world (well, as fast as my dsl will get it, anyway).

i tried to watch gilmore girls last night, and i don't even have a dvd decoder anymore. i mean, i have one (and a cd burner, and lots of other stuff, too) but my operating system just can't see it. i found a free dvd decoder online though, so at least i can watch a very choppy decoded gilmore girls in the meantime. i just can't justify paying $14.95 for a good decoder such as intervideo or something when i know that i have one on this computer somewhere, fried or otherwise.

so as the french say, that's life. who needs excel or outlook or adobe photoshop or money or the three books i've begun or word or mgi photo suite or picture it studios or publisher or roxio or..... anyway?

arrivederci, rebecca marie

bad news, innerwebbers

2006-08-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

'member that time when i said that my computer was bustified? well, i wasn't kidding. i tried re-installing the operating system today, and now it does even less. actually, all that it is capable of doing at this point is turning on and making a grey line across the moniter.

booooo.

so, see you around, fair internet. i'll miss you.

also, i'll be saving my pennies for a new computer. sad, huh?

arrivederci, rebecca marie

attention innerweb - this just in

2006-08-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

this is rebecca marie coming to you live from someone elses computer. my computer is bustified. i repeat. my computer is bustified.

back to you, carl.

community project

2006-08-18T13:48:00.000-07:00

i remember as a kid we used to always play this game (okay, not always as in every second of every day but often is what i really meant okay so back off) where each person would have a piece of paper and they would write a sentence on the paper that sounded like the begining of a story. maybe something like, "It was a dark and stormy night and jennifer and billy were driving down a windy road...," or "A long time ago in a galaxy far far away..." you know, that type of thing.

and then what they would do see is fold that part over so that the person next to them couldn't see it but they would tell the person what the last three words were like maybe they'd say, "a windy road..." or "far far away..." and the person who they passed the paper to would write the next sentence in the story only they wouldn't really know how the other person had started it so maybe they'd continue it with like, "a windy road always makes me carsick, so i'm thankful that my mom always kept vomit bags in the glove box..." or maybe, "far far away was not far enough for carl to run, if he was ever going to completely master living the life of forrest gump."

then the paper would be folded over and the people passing would tell the next person, "the glove box," or "of forrest gump." then when the papers had made it all the way around the circle, the person who started it would hear the last three words of the second to last sentence and then they would end the story. then people would take turns reading their story and sometimes they totally sucked and sometimes they were histerical.

so basically, i want to play that game. if you want to play, too, here's how i'm gonna do it. the first person to leave me their email address (you can do that thing where you go rebecca hyphen marie at hotmail dot com if you want to, i'm smart enough to decode those) in my comment section will get an email from me with the last three words of my opening sentence. they will then email me back with their sentence, and i will email the second person in my comments with the next set of last three words and so on until everyone who comments gets to play. if we need to go around twice to make it long enough, we will, cause lets face it, we want it to work, right?

then, when the story is finished, i'll post it and illustrate it. right on.

okay... who wants to play?

arrivederci, rebecca marie

mmmmmfujikle

2006-08-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

i think i could live on fudgecicles and a vitamin. fudgecicles have 90 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, a bunch of carbohydrates and 3 grams of protein. i love fudgecicles. i had forgotten about them (i'm so sorry fudgecicles, i didn't mean to forget you) but i'm back with a vengeance.

anyway, that's not what i came here to talk about. almost everyone that i know says "anyways." it is a pet peeve of mine. nobody better go feeling all called out or anything, cause i swear, most of my friends say it, so i'm not picking. it's "anyway." not "anyways." and while we're on topic, it's "in regard to," or "regarding," not "in regards to." you can give someone your "regards," but you can not say that something is "in regards to," something else. also, i'm sure that i have a thing that i missuse all the time (" " for instance) and feel free to point it out. i don't want to be someone else's pet peeve.

why is it your pet peeve? i mean a teachers pet is their favorite student, not their least favorite. a whole bunch of stuff bugs me, like, when magnets slide down the fridge for no reason, or when you have a dairy bubble in your throat and you accidentally swallow before you get to say a bunch of stuff in your cool kermit voice. those things totally bug me, but they don't bug me nearly as much as adding an s to anyway. so why would that be my pet peeve? why not my biggest peeve? or my almost biggest peeve? or even one of my peeves. it's interesting terminology.

oh oh oh, also... despite, and in spite of. do you do something despite something else? or in spite of? i try to say "in spite of..." cause i think it sounds stronger some how. so the other day i looked up despite in ye olde websters and it's totally not even a word. i mean it is, but it only means "in spite of." so basically, we say despite cause we're lazy. you know, those of us that say despite. man i love words.

or can't hardly stand it versus can hardly stand it. well? can you sort of stand it or not at all? oh man, i really just meant this to be about a few extra esses (i didn't know how to pluralize s, so you get esses. i think maybe s'?). i am out of control.

also, if you feel like commenting, that's super awesome. if you do, can you tell me what your pet peeve is? and you can choose. tell me either the most annoying of your peeves, or your actual favorite annoyance. either way you want to take pet peeve is good with me.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

conversation happening behind me right now

2006-07-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

boy - let's watch bruce almighty

girl - no. that movie has bad words.

boy - i know, but isn't it funny?

girl - yes. okay, but remember, don't say any of those words.

boy - I KNOW! I won't say those words.

(boy getting movie ready)

girl - i really think we should just watch star wars.

boy - no. i'm not going to say those words, so don't worry about it.

girl - okay. (long pause) why isn't bruce almighty starting?

(greeeaaaaat. i'm glad to know they both have such great self control.)

boy - oh. wait. i think there is something on the disc. (wipes disc) yeah, there's a smear. i'll try it one more time.

girl - (angry voice) I DIDN'T TOUCH IT

boy - (equally angry voice) I DIDN'T SAY YOU DID

boy - yeah, bruce almighty is ruined.

girl - (sad voice) yeah, bruce almighty is ruined.

boy - look mom, what's on here?

(neither child notices i'm typing about them, i stop to wipe off disc)

boy - let's just watch liar liar

me - here, try it again

the mister (coming down stairs with laundry i refuse to do) - girl! why isn't your dress on? you can't be in your underwear all day!

me - fine, i'll go bathe the girl and get her dressed.

blog post over.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

just telling you all helped, that makes you all awesome

2006-07-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

so i did it. just now. i called kaiser and made an appointment. i used the fact that i still don't have a lot of feeling my thumb, well, the right side of it lengthwise, anyway, as a buffer for the call. i've been needing to deal with that for a while anyway, and it made the call easier.

i went with the appointment a bit farther out, so that i could finally meet my primary care doctor. i just don't generally go to the doctor, so it's been two years and i've not met her. i figured that since this might turn into a continuing care type situation, i may as well meet the lady who will be dealing with me and all that that implies.

i could never begin to express what all of your support in regard to my last post meant to me. why it felt safe to tell you all, i have no idea. i suppose i just wanted you all to know that i am a real person. i know that you KNOW that, but i kind of wanted to let you in. not only did i receive more support than i could have imagined in my comments, but i also got two amazing emails from people that really spoke to me.

kay... let's talk treatment for a minute. to the two of you unafraid to discuss dietary options, you are my heroines. this is actually my preferred method of treatment, and i imagine a not too distant future full of conversations with both of you (as a matter of fact, you both live north of the columbia from me, so maybe i'll take you both to lunch when i'm ready to try that method.). for now though, i think i need immediate help, and i feel REALLY good about admitting that. it's odd, i always figured if i did something like this, i'd need it to be private. as it turns out, i need you all. praise God for all of you. and i mean it.

okay, i need to get going... i'm taking the spawn to the free movies (thank you regal for caring about families) with the sister and her fam. how lovely. then i'm going to see some kittens, compliments of breanna.

and because we are all voyeuers to some extent (or we wouldn't be reading each others blogs), here's a picture of the guest room mattress on the living room floor. you do what you gotta do when the internal temp in your home is over a hundred (it didn't register on my thermostat, so i don't know how over, probably only 101, but still...). yes, that's my girl child on the mattress, so you finally get to meet her. the boy child was upstairs in the shower, cause, you know, boys stink.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

warning, road work ahead

2006-07-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

i think you should all prepare yourselves. i think that this blog may be evolving into a blog where i actually talk about myself. like, tell you personal things and maybe even show you pictures. i know, weird.

the thing is, as it turns out, i'm suffering (?) from depression for the first time in my life. the reason for the question mark is this. i'm not altogether sure that there is any suffering involved. i actually quite enjoy it on some levels. the hostility is delightful. i've rarely felt so hostile, and i can't believe how great it is.

oh oh oh, before i tell you too much, and make you all like sad for me and stuff, just be sure you read correctly what i said. depression, like the medical/chemical kind, is what i think i have. not sadness. i am still a generally happy person. i'm not going to kill myself (or the mister, or the spawn) or anything, i'm still like, bathing. i feed the children and even the fish and frog. i brush my hair and teeth. i just, you know, can't really deal with stuff. for example; someone accidentally lost the picture that was my wallpaper on my computer. a year ago, i would have just said "oh, no problem at all." now, i like, freaked. granted, it was an internal freak out, but it was written all over my face. i usta be able to mask that kind of reaction. those types of skills are gone. and i don't do things i want to do sometimes. like get together with friends and return phone calls and stuff. it's easier to think "wouldn't it be fun to have lori ann over," or "i really should return kristi's call about PSP," that type of thing. i want to do those things, but sometimes staring at the phone or computer is as far as i am capable of taking the thought.

for several months now, i've been trying to simpify my life, thinking that would fix it. it hasn't. i thought janni laine coming home would fix it. nope, nada. i thought backing off as the womens ministry chick at church would help. nuh uh. as it tuns out, i'm just on the brink of a nervous break down is all.

the thing is, i'm looking forward to the breakdown. i think it will be GREAT. i want someone to record it when it happens, so that i can watch later. i want to see how it shakes down, for real. also, i want the not caring anymore part to happen. i think that will be real boss, too.

for now, i'm just taking it day by day, and being consistantly more facsinated by the fact that i may need to medicate. i'm pretty against it, but mental illness runs in my family (like, scary mental illness) so i'm not going to take any chances.

so in the meantime, here is a picture of the pile of laundry on my kitchen counter that i have no intention of folding any time soon. that's the kind of order my life has these days. i keep my laundry in the kitchen in front of the coffee pot.

also, seriously folks. none of this was said for anyone to worry about me, or feel bad for me in any way. i'm okay, i really am. i just felt like telling the internet about it. i may delete this post in like an hour... i just don't know.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

(on an unrelated note, no matter how bad a coffee/icecream/ice blended thingie sounds, i have too much pride, as a fat girl, to be seen with a beverage called a "moolatte.")

churchie churchie churchie

2006-07-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

disclaimer - this post is actually about me, not about rebecca marie

you know what stinks? when the church that was once the perfect fit for your family isn't anymore. it is almost like losing a member of your family, or forty or so members of your family, as the case may be.

spiritually, my family has grown sooooo much in the last four years. leaps and bounds. exponential type growth. but we've realized that lately we haven't been experiencing that type of growth anymore. it's not a good feeling, no siree, not even a little.

so here's our plan. we're gonna warm pews for a while.

here is my personal opinion on how you should decide which churches to visit. decide as a family or as a couple, or as a person how far you are willing to drive on a regular basis for corporate worship and for other types of fellowship (home groups, youth group, someone who needs help moving, all of it). visit every church that is even vaguely intriguing to you in that radius. i'm not kidding. don't take someone else's word for it in regard to whether or not a church is worth visiting, find out for yourself! i would even suggest that all of you visit the church we are leaving if you decide to look around. what isn't the perfect fit for me and mine may be the perfect fit for you.

there are a few places i have in mind for starters. we are heading to southwest this sunday because it feels very safe to us. we know quite a few people there (who'm i kidding, i know lots of people at practically every c-o-c in the area) and no one likes to walk in a be the stranger. i'd like to head back to eastside, my home before i started this church planting adventure. i've been wanting to visit at renovatus since launch sunday, but as all of the renovators know, it's a huge big deal to miss even one week at a fledgling plant, it's not like losing a fingernail from the body when someone is missing. it's like losing a whole arm, so i've yet to visit there, even though i really want to. i want to check out cross roads. again, it's mostly the pull of friends. we hope to spend some time fellowshipping with the clarks at agape, before and after it's up and running. i could continue, but i think you get the idea.

and you know what? we are probably going to visit some (gasp) non-c-o-c churches!!! we at the rm house are pretty firm believers that we are not the only ones going to heaven. we think some other churches are doing things the way God wants them to, too. we even think that some other types of churches are getting it a little better at it these days, but that's a whole 'nother post, and probably not one for this blog anyway.

here's my hope, my dream, my most sincere prayer. i'm looking for a church that feels like church. not like a church. but like the church. like the church where jesus is. i've got an amazing thing going in my family, and we need to nurture it. we need to worship with people who will help us with that. i've got this sincerely awesome husband who not only spiritually leads my family but does it in a way that doesn't make me feel bossed. i've got this son who spouts off bible facts like an encyclopedia, and it makes me so proud i could burst. and i've got this daughter who is so much more spiritual than i am that it puts me to shame... (just real quick, two things; she prayed for me the other night, spontaneously. i wasn't feeling well and went to bed early. she sat on my bed and sang to me and told me stories. when i said that i needed go to sleep now and closed my eyes she said "holy God, please help my mommy to sleep good." she asked me about "babatism" yesterday. i explained to her what baptism was and she said she wants to do it. i told her in the meantime to invite jesus into her heart and as long as she wants him there, he will stay, she said "brother jesus, please live in my heart forever!" she is only four.)

i told my minister last night that we were leaving. he didn't ask why, he did ask "what type of church are you looking for?" i said "i don't know. we'll know when we get there."

so, tell me... what will me and the mister find at your church? why should we visit with you? why have you made your home your home? i really really really want to know. for reals.

(on an unrelated note... pray for my dad and my family. his mom died about an hour ago and my heart is broken for him. i know there will come a time when most of us won't have a mom and i don't think any of us are looking forward to it. my dad is one of the coolest people i know, and i hate that he is hurting. his name is mike holden, if you like to have a name when you are praying.)

arrivederci, rebecca marie

because you wanted to see it

2006-07-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

for mia - the super blurry cd collection

(this represents about two thirds of it... the other third is strewn about the house and cars)

for gina - my closet, in two halves

(gina... the polka dotted dress is the one i wore to jr./sr.)

for jason - the tolstoy room

from two angles! (and as i take the pictures really-and-for-truly as is, there is even a dirty wash cloth in the sink!)

for anonymous - my sock drawer

which is really my sock/underwear/bra/camisole/tights drawer and i never organize it.

(by the way, anonymous, i really like your poetry)

for janni laine - my lipstick blot and my ear

for breanna - kind of my favorite snacking food

(i am not currently in possesion of my real favorite, so you get to see some things that i kind of like, a nectarine, sunflower seeds, pickles and colored marshmallows, which should be spelled marshmellows, as mallow sounds yicky)

for rebecca - my favorite place to sit while watching television

for sarah - my silverware drawer

for punkin - the console of my car

since you didn't specify what messy area you'd like... you get this. you're lucky you didn't get me on a level ten sarcasm day, i'd've given you the inside of my trash can. (and i know you said "part of your house" but these days, i practically live in my car, and i just cleaned house this morning...)

arrivederci, rebecca marie

much ado about nothing

2006-07-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

this one time i used to get my nails done by jeff gilooly's wife. you know, he's the one who was married to tanya harding and they paid some people to whack nancy kerrigan. anyway, he changed his name to jeff stone and he and his second wife, nancy nichole sharkey opened a salon in se portland called nancy nichole's and nancy used to do my nails and i always thought it was weird to be having a manicure and there's jeff gilooly, standing behind the counter, folding towells for the tanning bed.

there are a lot of annoying things, like warm toilet seats, emergency broadcast system tests, not having any a-1 when the mister just barbequed you up a nice piece of beef carcass, stuff like that. but nothing is annoying in the same way as trying to pull up your underoos when you're not quite all the way dry from your shower.

some awesome people and me and the mister and the spawn went to see harry potter and the sorcerers stone at esther short park the other day. some other people didn't. they suck*. and, cooincidentally, they missed a sweet hobo fight/make up hug. they also missed an awesome one liner by rebecca marie that i will not be repeating here (something about phase three in the hobo fight/make up hug fiasco).

rebecca was telling me about this blog that she reads where the person who writes it offered to take pictures of their life and post them. like, at readers requests. people asked to see stuff like, the inside of the blog owners fridge, or their favorite outfit. i thought that sounded like a real boss idea, so if there is something you want to see... just tell me. i'll show you. for reals.

for starters, here's the inside of my desk drawer, and part of my leg. you know, cause i'm sure you were curious.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

*they totally don't suck, i'm sure... not that i would know for sure, as they didn't allow me the priveledge of judging for myself. hopefully soon i'll be able to tell you with certainty.

i'm totally uncomfortable about this

2006-07-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

i am incapable of going number two without reading. seriously. i can totally make a pee pee without reading. but no way no how can i do a b.m. without reading material. and, i know i'm not the only one. i remember once my cousin was running around our living room frantically shouting, "oh no! i need something to read! quick! quick!!" we all scrambled to give her something, i think she ended up with an outdated t.v. guide. fine... better than a shampoo bottle. we all got it, is the thing. evacuating with reading material beats evacuating without almost every time.

i like me a good meaty read. i generally have three books going at once. now is no exception. my current bedside book is the complete works of jane austin. my current around the house book is the newest katie fforde. my current bathroom book? anna karenina by leo tolstoy. i need SERIOUS reading for when i dook it out. especially considering i have (not for the feint of heart) chronic dinah-whatchacal-reena, and have had five surgeries on ye olde rectum. chances are, if i head in there, i'll be taking my time. hence tolstoy for my bathroom book.

sometimes i screw up the system though, in one of two ways. the first and more common way is when i make the mistake of picking up the meaty bathroom read when all i have to do is make a tinkle. tolstoy and the like are not meant to be digested by the paragraph. inevitably i'll need to re-read the wee wee section next time i visit the ladies to make a poopie.

the second mistake i make is overall unpreparedness. seriously folks, the back of a toothpaste tube is not good big potty reading. nor is the three month old box of hair dye. or the hairspray can. or the comet. when these have been read, i tend to go for the drawers that are in reach. if i am a guest in someone's home, their drawers are NOT safe if they did not provide reading material (i'll take fox and hound in a pinch...{get it? in a pinch? he he he}). i'll reeeeaaaach awkwardly for the drawer, slide it open as quietly as possible and reach in. some real gems can be found, anti-fungal cream, denture cleaner, condom instructions, tampon instructions. i must say i'm a huge fan of instructions. those take the longest to read.

i actually think that at this point i'm the same as the pavlovian dogs. only instead of salivating at the sound of a bell, i can only, uhm, you know... poooop while reading. i'm just afraid someday the training will be complete and i'll poop everytime i read. i'll thank heavens for depends, when the time comes, i suppose.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. i do not have a pink toiley, although i so totally wish i did. also, i really can't believe i am posting this, as i don't even, uhm... pooh-tat in front of the mister.

the post which goes nowhere

2006-07-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

remember when i used to post regularly? that was awesome.

recently overheard at my house, "will i be four for like seventyhundred weeks?"

i dreamed last night about cabs called "safety jets." they were these big blue cars that looked like men in zoot suits should jump out with tommy guns. they were safe 1) because they were HUGE and 2) because there were cameras inside that fed to moniters on the bumpers so everyone could see what was happening inside the cab. doesn't seem so safe to me... i'd be so busy watching what was happening inside the cab that i'd be the one to rear-end it.

i'm making myself late to real-becca's house because of this post. greeeaaaat.

i made you all a drawing in under five seconds. it is the best picture of ever.

maybe i'll blog for real soon. maybe.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

commence entertainment

2006-06-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

i'm bored

and i have writers block

yes, i could tell you that there are stripes on my coffee cup, or that i'm wearing a brown shirt. i could tell you that i love chamomile or that my real name is not rebecca marie winters. i could tell you that i drive a kia.

but those things are boring.

so, here's the plan. you ask me stuff i would know the answer to, anything, and i'll tell you. now get on with it... cause i'm bored.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

me and the mister are all like in love and stuff

2006-06-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

here's a wee little postie about the mister. i love him. me and him took vows to love each other and to do so for the rest of our lives. cooincidentally, we did it eleven years ago today. he's not going to read this, cause he thinks this whole bloggeddy do dad is laaaaame. those of you who are lucky enough to know him in real life would already know that he thinks this is lame. you might know that he even "booooos" it. whatever. he's part lame, too. i wouldn't have picked him if he weren't. he's perfect.

the moral of the story is: even though he'll never know that i told you all how much i dig him, and how glad i am that he picked me, i do love him, and i do dig him. enough to tell the internet.

(no picture today... i hafta go git ready for church. i'm gonna even invite him to take a shower with me. married people get to do fun stuff like that. he he he.)

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. the haiku game is still happenin'

bad poetry? oh noetry!

2006-06-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

who's for a haiku or two (or forty or so, if the last time we played is any indication)?

you know how they go... three lines, first line five syllables, second line seven, then back to five. here's how syllables work for those of us challenged. the word "how" is one, the word "syllable" is three, the word "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" is fourteen.

here's what makes it a game, in case you are too lazy to click the above clickie, too senile to remember from the last time, or basically new to my blog; i'll write the first haiku, then someone else comments the next haiku, using my last word as their first word and so on. play as often as you'd like, and have fun!

awesome. let's do it.

janni laine is rad
best sister of ever, ya'll
she's coming home soon!

next haiku starts with the word "soon." ready... steady... GO!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

not by any means comprehensive

2006-06-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

1) i like the sound of the words "el duce"
2) i installed a new keyboard in my laptop yesterday. i have a v key again. yesssss.
3) when written, the word "poop" is funny. even though i wanna gag a little.
4) barry manilow does not, in my opinion, write the songs that make the whole world sing. i do like me some barry, but i don't think that the entire world sings his songs, or even sings as a result of his writing, especially considering he did not even write the song, "i write the songs that make the whole world sing."
5) you've got to give a little, take a little, let your poor heart break a little. that's the story of, that's the glory of love.
6) i have a difficult time remembering how to spell "only."
7) what kind of shoes does sponge bob wear?
8) i have a bendy magnet on my fridge that says "nashville," and each letter is a different colour.
9) penny loofas.
10)i miss raj.
11)feel free to add to this list, as i said, it is not by any means comprehensive.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

because you wanted to know

2006-06-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

here are some things that i want.

i want less simulations on commercials. for real. just get a smoker or something, someone with yeller teeth and put the white strips on them for two weeks and show us the before and after. even if it is less drastic than the simulation, i'll be more likely to buy it. or a real kid with a scar. let us see if maderma or whatever it is actually works. go into a real house with a grodie shower and use your misty spray for two weeks and then show us. stop with the simulations already.

i want mtv to play coolio's fantastic voyage video once a day, preferably once an hour.

i want the prop people to put actual purse type things in prop purses. seriously. tampons, kleenex (used), gum wrappers, lotion, an old cracked wallet, four or five weeks worth of church bulletins, seventeen tubes of lipstick. i'm sick of seeing brand new looking purses containing nothing but prop cell phones. the actresses have to hold the purse waaaay up by their face so that we can't see that the obviously empty purse isn't empty and then riffle around the air making it look like they can't find their phone. just have purse crap in there, for craps sake.

i want andes mints after every meal at every restaurant. mcdonalds, old chicago, mike's drive in... not just the olive garden. i even want them with my fortune cookies (fyi... i recently got the following fortune - you may be hungry soon: order a takeout now).

i want t-shirts to be longer. not because i'm round, just because i'm so tired of seeing butt cracks. no, the answer is not higher jeans. the low ones are more flattering. period.

i want fuji apples to be seventy-nine cents a pound or less, forever.

i want bosom buddies back on the air.

okay, i think that is it for now. keep in mind, this is by no means a comprehensive list.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

this one time? at church camp?

2006-06-04T14:37:00.000-07:00

we all had crushes on the bonner boys. face it. we did. not so much todd (sorry todd, you were just too young) for me, but trey for sure. he was dreamy. he had this beautiful blonde hair, parted in the middle and feathered like i liked. and he wore button fly 501's and izod polo shirts and DECK SHOES WITH NO SOCKS. he was hot. well, i met him for the first time the summer between grade six and seven and by the end of the summer he. was. mine.

i still remember sitting on vancouvers t-n-t bus and holding hands with him... he was one of those good hand holders... all finger lacie and using the other arm to reach over and rub your fore-arm. dude had moves.

i remember pretending to be one hundred percent happy that i was going to go to disney land for my twelfth birthday, when really i was only about seventy five percent happy, because it meant i was leaving trey behind. i still remember the souvenier i bought him when i was gone. oh trey... why did it have to end.

oh right... cause i had to move on to jeff morrow and nathan wheeler... grade seven was a good year, but i digress.

what made me think of trey was a comment gina made on her brother ty's blog about the coveted bonner boys. then, just a few days later, breanna posted this entry about the dreaded midnight hike which promted me to comment (a typotastic comment, i might add) about my midnight hike memories. anyway... this was all a really long way of telling you about this super cool guy from my past that i had not thought of in years. as a matter of fact, i think it's been fifteen years (yes, since highschool, i'm that old) since i've laid eyes on him.

so imagine my surprise when i was with breanna at costco on friday afternoon and TREY BONNER WAS THERE.

it freaked my freak out. and i told him so.

and for those of you who had crushes on the coveted bonner boys? todd's in the airfoce and has a wife and three kids and trey is still local (camas, washington) and has a wife and two kids.

have i mentioned i'm glad i married my dream guy? since the bonner boys are taken anyway.

(i'm not really, my fella really is my dream guy. ask anyone who knows me in real life, i've got me a keeper.)

arrivederci, rebecca marie

where is tom cruise when you need him?

2006-06-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

or his boss, mr. hubbard. whoever it is that kills the aliens. at any rate... i fear janni laine was right. he is an alien.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. thanks ty... but this is starting to get too weird.

what is happening?

2006-06-01T13:31:00.000-07:00

i'm afraid to go to sleep tonight... or forever. he's taking over. is no one safe from the federline?

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. yes, i realize it should say "c-kli" and "b-sag" but i thought of that too late and i'm not changing it now. even brilliance of my level sometimes comes staggered.

freaks my freak out all over again

2006-05-31T12:49:00.000-07:00

hey mr. spears. that one pirate called, he wants his face back.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. on an unrelated note... i was on the yakketybox with janni laine just now, telling her that i think there should be "i heart raj" shirts, so she went ahead and designed one real quick.

jazztacular

2006-05-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes it pays to speak loudly. I SAID SOMETIMES IT PAYS TO SPEAK LOUDLY. the reason i say this is because apparently the other day i said something that someone else overheard, and it paid off. it most surely did.

i got a cd in the mail that is comprised of awesome! so thank you, mix-master j. thank you very much. i listened last night and did two things while listening, 1) smiled a real whole lot & 2) realized that i have misclassified quite a bit of jazz as big band. maybe they are the same and i just don't like the word jazz? i dunno. what i do know is that i really like this disc. a real whole lot.

the moral of this story is... if you have cool friends with awesome taste in music, bash certain types within earshot of them. they just might feel duty bound to prove you wrong. that, and when people email you and ask for your address, you should not hesitate to give it to them. sure, it could be a crazy stalker killer, but it also could be someone with good cd burning skills.

commence envy.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

secret's out, johnson & johnson!

2006-05-27T15:24:00.000-07:00

the gig is up! no longer will we be forced to use four or five plasters a day. you thought you could trick us forever into unnecessary waste? well you thought wrong.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. it was the onlooker reaction that really got me.

welcome to the angry political post

2006-05-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

here is the deal ee oh. i watch american idol about five times a season. those five times occur when the first round of tryouts are being broadcast. those shows, or episodes, or whatever, are sheer entertainment. i may even watch "look how bad i dance" or whatever it's called, for the same reason.

i did however tune in this last tuesday cause some friends were over (her and her). it was just okay, the viewing experiece. i don't like that girl. i'm sure most of you know her name. i think it's catherine. or katherine. mcphee. i'm actually pretty sure that is her name. anyway. i mean, she is fine, she is just not dynamic for any reason. i do enjoy me some taylor hicks. i happened to watch the night that he auditioned, and i remember reeaalllly digging his style.

so anyway... flash forward to tuesday, and i totally didn't hate watching the second to last night, because i do plan on owning me some tayor hicks music, i just didn't need to see american idol along the way.

now i come to the whole point of this post. i watched the last ten minutes of american idol last night, just to watch taylor win (i'd already checked the spoilers, i just wanted to watch him win). small gift to me, i saw prince perform, but that is a whole 'nother topic. so ryan seacrest, or perhaps it was the guy from the vote tabulation certification company, i dunno, one of them goes something like "63 million people voted for this american idol, that is more votes than any u.s. president has ever received."

oh. my. word.

everyone who voted for american idol (who is over 18 of course, i'm not picking on the twelve year olds) but did NOT vote in your last election, or your last twenty for that matter, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

ye olde govrenment really needs to get on it with a call in/pin number option. i am not even kidding. i almost cried over this last night.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

on an unrelated note - this freaks my freak out;

the web log entry

2006-05-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

yes yes ya'll THE web log entry.

it's fascinating how the word the is sometimes inappropriately used. not like how i say that i'm all the awesome, that is a perfectly acceptable way of using it. as i am in fact, all of the awesome. there is no more awesome left over for anyone else (well, maybe there kind of is, as i share).

what i mean is like saying "i'm not feeling well, i have the allergies." or, "don't let her house sit, she's on the chronic. "

do not misunderstand, by saying that those are inappropriate uses, i am in no way saying "do not say that your friend is on "the chronic," she is in fact "on chronic."" on THE chronic sounds more awesome and i will invariably vote for more awesome over sort of awesome and certainly over not awesome at all.

but sometimes, man, it is just wrong. like how i heard it used last night. me and the mister were in the mcdonalds drive up lane (ONE DOLLAR BACON CHEESEBURGER HECK YES I'LL HAVE TWO AND SOME FRIES AND THAT IS WHY I'M FAT WELCOME TO AMERICA I LOVE AMERICA THANK YOU FOR MY THREE DOLLAR DINNER) and the lady talking to us on the yakkety box said "would you like to donate a dollar to the breast cancer?"

no lady. i do not. i am not a fan of the breast cancer. the breast cancer killed my mother in law. if you don't mind, my extra dollars will be spent elsewhere. like on a slurpee.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

(now nobody better be getting all up on my case about this and accusing me of being somehow insensitive about breast cancer research. anyone who knows me knows where i stand on women's health issues)

identity crisis - or - a prelude to violence?

2006-05-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

i love music. all kinds of music. i am a music user, an addict. and i'm not super picky. sir-mix-alot is just as awesome to me as cake. i love me some john denver. space hog is on my list. buddy holly, bryan adams, joe satriani, rob base and dj ez rock, rosemary clooney, me first and the gimme gimmes, the supertones, george winstson, prince, yaz, you name it. i am a fan of music. well not jazz... but we all have our limits. at any rate... you just never know what i am going to be playing in my home or car. it could literaly be anything.

so anyway... i have this brood of kids in my house today, and the one little slice of sunshine was singing to a baby... this is what she sang to soothe the baby;

"i am just a poor boy though my story's seldom told i have squandererd my resisitance for a pocked full of mumbled such are promises. when i was just a baby my momma told me son always be a good boy don't ever play with guns but i shot a man in reno just to watch him die. in the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade and he carries the reminder of every glove that laid him down or cut him till he cried out lie lie lie lie lie lie lie."

right. on. nothing like combining a little of the boxer (simon and garfunkle) with folsom prison blues (johnny cash). this child rules the school. she is the rulingest kid in town.

but then, this is the same child that used to want eve of destruction sung to her as she drifted off...

"the eastern world it is explodin', violence flarin', bullets loadin,' you're old enough to kill, but not for votin,' and even the jordan river, has bodies floatin'..."

arrivederci, rebecca marie

the iron cross is for sissies

2006-05-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

these guys are like the real life toad.

i'd love to see them on MXC. they would NOT. GET. ELIMINATED!!! want more? clickie

arrivederci, rebecca marie

hello? it's rebecca marie. where. is. my. phone.

2006-05-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

all over the internet there are clickies inviting me to play ridiculous games and then i can win my choice of free* razr phones. enough internet! everyone already knows that i want a pink razr phone. i want a pink razr phone even more than i do not want pinworms. i mean think about it. with pinworms, you just take a pill and then the pinworms die and then they are gone. with a pink razr. man. YOU HAVE A PINK RAZR. there is no pill capable of canceling that out. i am now accepting donations. TIM LEWIS: I AM NOW ACCEPTING THEM SO HARD.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

okay, fine... i'll post an entry

2006-04-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

everybody is all like "when are you going to update your blog and stuff?" seriously. i was even out to lunch a week ago at the roundie-round sushi place and i ran into an old co-worker (no she is not old. what i mean is that i am no longer employed) and she said "you have not updated your blog in over a week." she said that. she said it so hard.

so here are some words for you to read.

first of all, i would like to inform you all that tuna fish is delicious. the white albacore kind. also, i do not think that the word "fish" was entirely necessary. i do not think that you would say "labrador dogs," or "jean pants." labrador automatically means dogs, jeans automatically means pants and tuna is fish.

second, the song band on the run by paul mccartney is really more like four songs in one. you know you have officially made enough songs when you just go to yourself, "it would take a lot less time if i would just release four songs at once and just call it good." too bad he didn't know that michael jackson was going to buy all of his songs in a few decades. he might have would have made that song into four separate songs.

and c, the mister taught me how to play cribbage like three months ago. i may have forgotten already, but mostly i think that the way that scoring is done is really stupid. "fifteen for two, fifteen for four, eight nine ten for three. peg me." whatever. that is lame and confusing. i did kind of enjoy learning, and i am mostly a fan of games, so that was nice, as well. maybe i'll ask him to play again soon, so i won't forget it all entirely.

here's a picture i drew you all in like ten seconds, and it is not good, not even a little, and it is not even about anything in this post but i drew it just so that you would not be all like "finally you updated but WHERE IS THE ART?"

arrivederci, rebecca marie

my space, suckers.

2006-04-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

so i was clicking around myspace just now and i came upon a myspace for a guy called froy. froy has a sweet moustache. i am not saying you should click on froy's link, and i am not saying you should not click on froy's link. i do not even know froy and i spent like three whole seconds looking at his myspace so i do not even know if it is all like, wholesome or not or whatever. i am not even saying that you should grow a sweet 'stache. what i am saying is that there are not enough people called froy. froy is one of the coolest names of ever. i am thirty-two and this is the first time i have ever heard the name froy. right on, froy.

no drawing today... nothing i could draw could compete with the name froy.

the end.

*** UPDATE! ***

guest artist!! mia made a picture to go with this post! right on mia!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. (answer) sorry froy.... i found out you're a chick called froy who's boyfriend sports a righteous 'stache! besides, i already got's me a mister!

i could've won an oscar

2006-04-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

Well well well, aren't you all just proud of yourselves! So many of you guessed correctly. Had I told you that it was my drama teacher in a previous post, I bet even more of you would have been right.

It was choice number one, and my partner in crime was Shanna. Her persona was a retail manager at the mall who was being propositioned by her married manager (the d.j. felt free to proposition as well, by the way...).

We called all the time. Several times a week. We called him to update him on our "lives," and we called him to suggest songs for other lovelorn listeners. Those were fun calls.

So imagine the surprise of the D.J. when the station did a concert ticket give-away at the grocery store I was a checker for. I walked up to him in the tent in the parking lot and said, "Nice to meet you, Craig, I'm Rebecca Marie..." he said "Nice to meet you." Then I said, "Ah'm also Dahr-Leen." Oh man. I really wish I had a picture of his face. It was priceless, as you can imagine.

I wonder if I should resurect her? I bet there are people in the Portland area who wondered how her story turned out.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

just to keep you busy while you wait

2006-04-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

for the answer to the game...

don't even try to tell me that you haven't always wanted to see a .gif that is a boston terrier playing an accordian.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE A .GIF THAT IS A BOSTON TERRIER PLAYING AN ACCORDIAN!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

to tell the truth, part deux

2006-03-31T20:29:00.000-08:00

One of the following stories is true. Let's just see how easily you are fooled, this fine April Fool's day. Post your guesses as comments. And I promise, one story is one hundred percent true.

El Story-oh Numero Uno - When I was 18, I got myself totally addicted to the KWJJ night-time radio show called "Cryin' Lovin' or Leavin.'" Addicted to the point of obsession. I could not wait for it to come on each night. The people who would call would be ridiculous. The DJ would say "Cryin' Lovin or Leavin'?" and the saps on the line would say something like "I'm cryin', I just lost my job and came home and found out my dog got runned over by mah next door neighbor." Then they'd request some fitting song, cause as we all know, there's a song for everything if you just dial in a country station. So anyway... I wanted to call in. I wanted to call in so hard. So I made up a character. Her name was Darlene, and I called in and said "Mah name is Dahr-Leen, Ah'm a cook down at the Happy Burger on 82nd and Ah'm Cryin' Lovin' AND Leavin'! When Ah got home to the tray-ler after work, Ah found a lipstick an it wusn't mahn! So Ah love 'im but Ah'm leavin' 'im cause Ah can't stop cryin!" Well, the DJ fell for it, and we settled on the song "Did you tell her she was sleepin' in the bed you made for me." The DJ liked Darlene so much, that I became a bit of character on the show. Imagine his surprise when I finally met him in person and I was just an 18 year old goofing around.

El Story-oh Numero Dos - In my sophomorere year of highschool, I found out that Wheel of Fortune was having highschool week and I was fairly desperate to go. So me and my friend Wade got into his sincerely boss orange Datsun 210 and headed to California to try out. It was going to be a lottery. Fill out a simple application, then they would draw from a pool of eligible contestants based on the application. We figured it was only one days drive down, and maybe we'd win some money. The problem was, it wasn't spring break or anything, and our parents never would have let us go. We snuck out at around 2:30 in the morning, left notes on the counter, panicked somewhere near Salem, had breakfast at a greasy spoon and were back home before they knew we were gone.

El Story-oh Numero Tres - When I was in grade eight, I was taking a speech class (Mr. Roberts, for any locals). I honestly don't remember what my end of the semester five minute speech was about, but I do remember what happened to me during the speech. I was nearly done, and suddenly I felt some pretty major, uhm, stomach upset. There was air needing to escape. Now keep in mind, I am a fairly private person. To this day, I don't let that particular function happen in front of the mister. So I figured if I, er, squeezed as hard as I could, I could prevent the air from escaping until I could make it to the ladies between classes. Well, I don't know if any of you have ever tried that method, but let me tell you, it does not work. The air escaped, and to my best recollection, it was ten times louder and higher pitched than it would have been had I just relaxed. And yes, everyone heard, and yes, I still hear about it from my classmates when we see each other.

So there you go... voting is now open. I'll post the answer one day next week. Have fun!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

watch for it...

2006-03-30T10:32:00.000-08:00

'member this game? well, i'm fixin' to do it again for april fools day. hooray.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

Take me now, Lord, I can't take anymore.

2006-03-28T14:04:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those experiences that you think you won't recover from? This one time, in grade twelve, I had a madly innapropriate crush on a teacher. It was exhilerating and humiliating all at the same time. It wasn't to the point that I had fantasies of him quiting his job to run off with me, but it was close.

He was one of those very available teachers. He was just always around. He'd be in the college library that we'd study in. He'd be in the cafeteria at lunch time. He'd be at all of the games. He was just cool like that. Very visible.

Well one day, we were standing together watching a soccer game and I noticed some gum on the ground. The dialogue went as follows:

Rebecca Marie - Look at that gum.

Hot Teacher - Yeah, people are rude.

RM - Do you suppose gum ever bio-degrades?

HT - No, I think it pretty much stays around forever.

RM - What if you swallow it? Do you think your body processes it and makes it go away?

HT - No, I'd bet it just passes through. Like peanuts.

Yeah, you heard me right. The teacher I had a raging crush on was engaging me in a conversation about the contents of poop.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

new quiz. aren't you just happy happy

2006-03-11T12:25:00.000-08:00

clickie.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

bff

2006-03-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

r.i.p.

2006-02-25T15:54:00.000-08:00

Forget Matlock, who cares about Andy Griffith...

Rest in peace, Mr. Furley... Rest in peace, man.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

for the love of all things sacred.... NOOOOOOOO

2006-02-21T13:58:00.000-08:00

arrivederci, rebecca marie

in honour of presidents day...

2006-02-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one (aside from the mister) who can spend hours watching British Parliament? Here is just about how it goes;

(mr. speaker) IAN FURRMAN!!

(ian furrman - labour - westchester) Thank you Mr. Speaker! My good friends in District would like to querry; How, Mr. Minister, do you propose that we spend our pounds set aside for Dentistry? Hire in more dentists or rely soley on the NHS?

(crowd) boooo!! ha ha ha ha booooo!

(tony blair) Thank you Mr. Furrman. I am well aware of the need for Dentists...

(crowd) ha ha ha ha ha......

(tony blair) we are bringing in Dentists from anywhere we can get them, but in the meantime, allow for the NHS to spend their pounds in the manner they deem set.

(crowd) here! here! here!

(mr. speaker) JENNIFER MCHALE!!

(jennifer mchale - conservative - south wales) What do my friends propose we eat today after session?

(crowd) OLAAAY! OLAY OLAY OLAY!

(tony blair) My wife Cherie made me a kidney pie, I'm not privy to your consumption choices.

(crowd) boooooo booo booo boooooo

(mr. speaker) WOOOFIE O'GEEBEAN!!

(crowd) hiissssss

(wooofie o'geebean - independant - ealing southall) Friends, do you like my blouse?

(crowd) hoooray!

(tony blair) Wooofie, while I appreciate your fashion style, I happen to know that the funds set aside for Alzheimers day minding was used for that blouse, and seventeen others.

(crowd) boooo

I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. HAVE YOU PEOPLE SEEN THIS? IT IS MEZMERIZING.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

sorry guys...

2006-02-09T09:58:00.000-08:00

but i had to do it. i've resisted word verification, because i actually despise it. i even thought blogger had eliminated the neccesity, as i've not had junk comments in months. well, apparently, it's back with a vengance. i've had (i am not even kidding) one hundred and two junk comments in the last hour. at first i tried to delete them, but i've even given that up.

so i'm sorry, but if you wanna talk to me, you have to jump through the word verification hoop.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

visions of credit cards

2006-01-30T14:53:00.000-08:00

So last night I had this dream that I was trying to buy a teddy bear at the Build-a-Bear Workshop. I picked out my creepy stuffingless bear, picked out my heart to put inside it (equally creepy) and was just about to get it stuffed when the lady behind the counter told me that my bear buying privileges were suspended because I owed them FOUR HUNDRED AND NINETY DOLLARS.

Whatever, subconscious. If I'm going to owe anyone $490.00, it will not be them. I'd rather be dreaming about owing the Coach store, or maybe the Clinique counter. Stupid subconscious.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

you people are insane

2006-01-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

No, not you people... the people who find me by mistake when searching for something else on the internet.

I found it intriguing, so a few months back I decided to save some of the searches. Here are some of the searches that led to me;

spanking implements, excuse me... could you please get off my blog? I don't think it has the kind of spanking you were looking for.

COOLEST ART THAT WILL MESS WITH YOUR HEAD, friends, I am not yelling at you. This search was typed in all caps. I love to think about the person soooo excited to be looking for the COOLEST ART THAT WILL MESS WITH YOUR HEAD. I would love to meet that person, sincerely. And, the really awesome part of this search is that it linked back to three of my entries. Rather than choose one I choose none.

abradabracadabra lyrics, I'm sorry that anyone remembers that song. I'm sorry for anyone who saw the video. I'm sorry for anyone searching for the lyrics. I'm sorry for ever mentioning it in my blog.

one armed stripper, I will find a picture of her someday. Glad I'm not the only one on the prowl for her. If she is an urban legend... don't tell me. It'd be like finding out that the government didn't assassinate JFK after all.

hand modeling, people are weird, that's all I have to say. Wait, I suppose that would make me weird too, I did post about it... sort of.

please pictures of real, real aliens, Don't you feel sorry for this guy? He was frustrated enough already, obviously, but then he found this. Or was it this?

Jolene's long toenails, Hee hee hee. Foot fetish gone bad? Or perhaps something equally disturbing? Or perhaps, Jolene has really long toenails.

And lots lots more... I seriously saved like thirty, and just picked my personal favorites. I just was not going to link to "jennifer lopez turtleneck," or "queen arquette," or "rebecca booty ice," and trust me I could go on an on. I also decided to use discretion and not link to the multiple searches for "phone sex aunt," "hot sex aunt," "rebecca's hot aunt," and so on.

So here's what I wonder... did they ever find what they were looking for?

arrivederci, rebecca marie

p.s. sadly, some of the searches have re-sorted by relevance. i am now irrelevant. dark days my friends, dark days.

will you promise not to tell?

2006-01-16T09:13:00.000-08:00

So you know postsecret? I have some ideas for some secrets I may send in. They are not really my secrets, I'm just making them up so that I'll have something more fun than "I hate my body (which i totally DON'T)" to send in.

Here're some I'm thinking about;

I think killing animals is wrong, so I poke holes in the meat packages at stores hoping to rot the meat and give carnivores food poisoning.

I was so jealous that I didn't make the homecoming court that I stole the hairspray out of the bags of the girls who did.

At Christmas time, I break all of the candy canes I see.

I make scary faces at kids in carts at the market, just to make them cry.

When I get an aisle seat on a plane, I pretend I'm sleeping and trip people.

I stole every pair of underwear I've worn since I was 19.

I cheated on my SAT then blamed depression when I failed out of university.

It's not that I think text messaging is stupid like I say I do, it's that I'm too stupid to figure it out.

At the last party he threw, I stole his yearbook. The one I'd written "i love you" in.

I slept with the best man. No, not sex, but sleeping. Sleeping with him was the safest I ever felt.

I am a closet pyromaniac. I'm also afraid of being burned, so it's a safe balance, so far.

My bra and underwear ALWAYS match.

I still watch Saved by the Bell. Daily. Because I taped them all in chronological order and also because they are my only friends.

So anyway, maybe I'll send some in, maybe not, too. If any of my lies ever get posted, I'll let you all know!

arrivederci, rebecca marie

where. are. my. cards.

2006-01-11T17:10:00.000-08:00

So last night I was asleep right? And I had this dream about this movie called Pandemonium. I highly recommend watching the trailer. It sucked. Big time. But, Janni Laine and I used to watch it a bunch in the early eighties thanks to every cable channel in the world (which meant about 63 at the time) and a lack of parental control in regard to our programming choices. Now, now, don't get all twitterpated about my parents being negligent. Cable was still pretty new, it probably didn't occur to them to wonder what we were watching. They probably thought they were doing enough by limiting our MTV to one half an hour a day, which we would bank and use up all at once on Saturday. Man, those were the video days... Angel is a Centerfold, Safety Dance, Pretty Woman (the creepy Van Halen version), Don't You Want Me, Baby... but I digress, this is turning into a whole 'nother thing.

So anyway. This movie, Pandemonium, it was for some reason waiting dormant in my subconscious. It reared its ugly head last night. Sort of.

Really, it was Judge Reinhold that invaded my slumber. Here's how the dream went...

"Hi, Judge! I'm a big fan." (odd, to say the least, I mean, he's fine, where would Fast Times be without him, not to mention... well, best not to start a list.)

"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fantastic! Remember that movie, Pandemonium? Me and my sister really loved that movie, but I was looking for it on Netflix and they don't have it."

"Well, actually, there is going to be a major re-release!"

"No way! Seriously?"

"I'm totally serious. And, let me give you a press kit. You deserve it after being such a long time fan of me and the movie"

So, I open the press kit, which contains a DVD of the movie, a poster of Judge Reinhold and Paul Ruebens, and... drum roll please, trading cards. Judge (that's what i call him, Judge) was awesome enough to sign the poster and the trading cards for me.

I'm sure you can all understand my disappointment when upon waking there were no trading cards.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

FYI

2006-01-09T07:33:00.000-08:00

this one time i had the hiccups for twenty weeks. i am not even kidding.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

making good on my bet

2006-01-02T16:53:00.000-08:00

i lost the bet, fair and square, so for the next two weeks, this logo that was so kindly provided to me by bsc will hold top position. enjoy, bsc.

arrivederci, rebecca marie